


I've Waited a Thousand Years

by UisceOneLove



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: And Uther is still an asshole, Arthur is totally gonna be crushing hard, But Merlin is gonna be oblivious this time around, Even after a thousand years Merlin is clueless with dealing with feelings, Except Arthur kinda sorta does, F/M, Gwaine and Percival are so awesomely hot for each other, Hurt Merlin, M/M, Morgana is a bitch, Morgana is also a tad bit slutty, No one remembers but Merlin, Poor Merlin, Poor Merlin's been all alone for so long, Reincarnation, Set in modern day, Slow build for Merlin and Arthur, just a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-02-23 14:05:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2550260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UisceOneLove/pseuds/UisceOneLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One thing Merlin knew with his own soul was that he loved the Great Arthur Pendragon. It had grown slow and over time, but it had surpassed the fates that were prophesized to him the first time he came to Camelot. If only Arthur could have loved him back. Merlin knew he never would, and perhaps it would have made his lord’s death even worse. </p><p>He had held on to Kilgharrah’s word that Arthur would one day return. Merlin was willing to wait. Then he could redeem himself and make things the way they were supposed to be for the fallen King.</p><p>Arthur’s expression changed, his brows furrowing and something flickering in those light blue eyes. “I’m sorry, have we met before? Something about you is bloody familiar.” </p><p>Was it bad that he wanted to shout yes from the rooftops?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The moment that Arthur died in his arms, Merlin felt something break inside. It was like his heart was made of out glass and the loss of his King’s soul made it shatter into a million pieces. He had failed. If only he’d been faster, or stronger, or had listened and killed Mordred when he had every chance to. But he couldn’t kill. It wasn’t in him until Morgana tried to finish the job herself. That was when he could kill. Because it was all Morgana who tried to take Camelot and his King. 

One thing Merlin knew with his own soul was that he loved the Great Arthur Pendragon. It had grown slow and over time, but it had surpassed the fates that were prophesized to him the first time he came to Camelot. If only Arthur could have loved him back. Merlin knew he never would, and perhaps it would have made his lord’s death even worse. 

He had held on to Kilgharrah’s word that Arthur would one day return. Merlin was willing to wait. Then he could redeem himself and make things the way they were supposed to be for the fallen King.

The years that passed were long and lonesome. He watched as Gwen ruled Camelot for their slain love, saw Percival mourn Gwaine’s death, and one by one watched everyone else die from age or ill will. He clung to the hope of seeing Arthur again through it all. But the powerful Emrys could only hold onto it for so long. Too many centuries passed that let him down. The only thing he got to experience was the world changing around him and the legends of Camelot being placed into books for all to read. Still, Arthur never showed. 

After a while, Merlin decided that if he was going to watch the time pass by, he might as well take a new place amongst it. Eventually he shaved the beard and reclaimed his lasting youth, raven hair and all. He learned to follow trends and technology, and now he fit in with any boy who wore the color black like it was the only shade in existence. Who knew skinny jeans and eyeliner actually looked good?

Now, he passed for any other modern young adult. Eyeliner became something he loved to wear on a daily basis. He had gotten himself a job at a store in the mall called Hot Topic since he could blend in easily. That was where the unbelievable had begun. The first day he walked into the store for a shift, there was no other than the late jolly Gwaine lounging by boxes of unregistered inventory. 

The disbelief had rung Merlin so speechless, it couldn’t have seemed possible. But it was him, face, name, and all. The very same Gwaine who loved to party and drink but had a heart of gold underneath it. And if that was a shock to Merlin’s system, it was like being struck by lightening twice when honest to God Percival had walked into the shop and had a very grossly disturbing public make out with the one who had been his friend so long ago. 

Merlin knew coincidences were always something more. That day had been the beginning of what he’d always been waiting for. He was afraid to let himself hop too far. But if Gwaine and Percival were right there with him, then it had to mean more, didn’t it? 

And that was only proven when he’d met Gwen when he was walking through a neighboring clothes store and there she was fixing some of the torn merchandise. Since then, Merlin always felt close to weeping with having his friends back. He took a place in their newer lives, feeling a renewed sense of hope and happiness. Never again would he doubt the prophecy Kilgharrah had left him with.

Of course, Arthur didn’t appear in his life immediately after that. Or Morgana. Or Mordred. Or even Lancelot. In fact, a few more years had come to pass and there was still no sight of any other familiar faces. Merlin didn’t let himself give up this time, though. Not when he had Gwen, Gwaine, and Percival (Who was actually Percy in these modern times, but he won’t judge). Merlin actually felt happy again. Truly happy. He knew that when the time finally comes, he’d be ready. 

Or, at least he thought he would be.

The Spring often brought out the warmer side of weather and the bloom of flowers. Admittedly, Merlin had taken to the literal sense of the meaning to stop and smell them along his walks to work. It was his routine every day. Wake up when the sun has made his face too warm, have a cup of chamomile tea with his breakfast of sausages and toast before showering, then dress and put on his eyeliner in a precise way to make his blue eyes gleam like sapphires and take a peaceful walk through the park en route to work with music playing from his iPod contraption (Gwen had bought it for his birthday the previous year when she found out he hadn’t bought one himself. He planned to never use it. He was such a fool.). 

Magick had become a thing he used more sparingly, even with the Wiccan belief growing again. It was kept in the privacy of his home, or used in emergencies like the time he thought a box of War Paint make up was going to crash on top of Gwaine’s head in the back room of the store. And okay, sometimes he liked to use it to help some of the flowers broom. They became something to help him relax. 

It was his day off of work, much to Gwaine’s chagrin, and Gwen had taken advantage by surprising him with lunch. Merlin didn’t mind much; he missed his dear friend through the years. She still looked beautiful with her refreshed youth, and her smile held its same kindness he remembered it to. 

Gwen kept an arm looped through his as they walked, both feeling like they’d eaten a little too much fish and chips. A thin blanket of clouds covered the sun overhead, as if to make the light more of a glow instead of a shine. There was a light breeze, like the wind was trying to caress each leaf and face around them. Merlin couldn’t help but think it was perfect.  
“Merlin, we need to find you a nice guy.” Gwen said, breaking their moment of silence. From the look on her face, he could tell this was one of her serious moments. At some point, she’d gotten it in her head that it was her duty to find the perfect guy for him. If only she knew his heart was still taken by a certain king who’s been dead for hundreds of years. 

Merlin shook his head, giving her an amused smile and patting her arm. “Shouldn’t you be focused on doing that for yourself?” he asked. 

“I’ve had my fair share of tries. So far it’s all been a bunch of frogs instead of princes.” Gwen defended. “You, on the other hand, haven’t even gone on one date for as long as I’ve known you.”

“Maybe I’m okay with being single.” Merlin replied, which was technically a truth when you looked at it. Better to be single than pine over your dead crush. He already had a try at being with someone. But then Freya was killed. 

Huh. In retrospect, his luck with having feelings for people was not that good. At all. So being single wasn’t that bad of a life style after all.

“No one is okay with being single.” Gwen deadpanned. “Even old maids with a dozen cats aren’t okay with being single, Merlin.”

“Did you just compare me to a cat lady?” 

“Not the point. We are going to find you someone, and then you’ll be thanking me for not listening to this delusion of enjoying solitude.” 

Merlin had to hold in a sigh at that. So she was right. Solitude had been his horrid friend for too long. But that didn’t mean he needed someone just to enjoy life.

“Gwen, I appreciate the concern, but I’m okay. Really. I’ve got you, and Gwaine, and even Percy when they’re not busy feeling each other up in the store.” He assured her, giving her arm a gentle squeeze.

“We love you too.” Gwen said with a kind smile. “But that isn’t going to stop me from finding you a prince of your own to love as well.” 

“You’re insufferable.” Merlin groaned. 

“One of my many talents.” She said smugly. 

They took a break at the fountain in the center of the park. Gwen insisted on them making a wish and tossing a coin into it, so they both stood with their backs to the running water. Merlin closed his eyes, and though he thought this was a waste of time, he still found himself making a wish of his own as he tossed the coin in.  
Let Arthur return soon. 

When he opened his eyes to see if Gwen made her wish, his smile faded into a frown. His friend’s attention was on her phone; worry lines making their appearance on her face to make her youth diminish temporarily. 

“Your father?” he asked softly. She nodded distractedly as she replied to whatever the message was, and then looked up at him with a face he was quite familiar with. “Go on.” He told her. “Tell him I say hello.” 

“You are an amazing friend, Merlin, and I will make this up to you.” Gwen promised, hugging him tightly as she gave him a grateful smile. 

“No need, I understand.” 

Merlin watched her hurry off, hoping that this wouldn’t be a second time around for her to lose her father so fast. The warlock sighed, casting a glance at the fountain before walking away. Now that he was on his own, he might as well had back to his apartment. Already he was thinking about getting some crisps or Frazzles and getting cozy on his couch to watch an episode of Once Upon a Time when he was suddenly finding himself being blindsided by some great force and being sent down to the ground. At least it was the grass and not cement.

“Bullocks, I’m so sorry!” A frantic voice said from behind him, hands trying to help him up from where he was still getting his bearings. Merlin waved off the hands as he got to his feet, wiping himself off to make sure there wasn’t any grass sticking to him.

“It’s all right, I’m—“ Merlin’s words halted and died in his throat. He wasn’t the least bit unaware that he was currently staring, but he had a bloody good right to. Even with the people he’s been reunited with he was sure it had to be an illusion. 

Shaggy blond hair was the first thing his brain could register. Fair skin that didn’t have a hint of blemish was the next. And blue eyes that were as if the very sky was cut into just to give these orbs the perfect shade. All that was missing was chainmail and a crown.

Arthur. 

“I should have been watching where I was going.” The copy insisted, the familiar smile of apology and worried eyes striking a chord deep in Merlin’s very soul. 

“It’s…It’s fine.” Merlin said almost numbly, having to give his brain a kick start. He finally did it, he found Arthur! Maybe wishing at a fountain did work after all. 

“Are you sure? I am more than capable of taking you somewhere to get looked at.”

Well that was new for Merlin. He was used to the ‘Keep it moving, Merlin, you’re not dying’ response. He blinked a few times, really giving his brain a push before he could revert to his normalcy. “Really, I’m fine.” He assured, shaking his head. “I’ve taken harder hits than that.”

The blond’s smile turned to one of relief. He bent over to pick up a soccer ball from the ground-explains why he got knocked over if this guy was hurrying to kick it off somewhere else-and extended a hand.

“I’m Arthur.” He introduced, and Merlin had to refrain from outright saying ‘I know’. 

“Merlin.” The warlock replied as he took the hand and shook it. 

Arthur’s expression changed, his brows furrowing and something flickering in those light blue eyes. “I’m sorry, have we met before? Something about you is bloody familiar.” 

Was it bad that he wanted to shout yes from the rooftops? 

He had to force himself to shake his head, keeping the familiarity from his smile. “Afraid not. I’d remember meeting an Arthur. Not many around these days.”

“I supposed you’re right. Merlin isn’t the most common of names either.” Arthur nodded slowly. Merlin felt a jab of disappointment. There was a call for Arthur from several feet away, to which the blond dropped the soccer ball and kicked it off to them before looking back to the warlock. “It was nice to meet you, Merlin.” He bid in farewell, taking off to join his friend.

“You too.” Merlin mumbled, watching his former king depart. 

Did he just let Arthur leave his life again?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now tell me this lovely incident again, but in a lower voice so my head doesn’t throb.” 
> 
> In hindsight, Gwaine probably wasn’t the friend to be talking this over with, but a guy’s got to work with what he can get. Even if that thing happens to be hung-over and using the counter like a deathbed. He was kind of tempted to turn the store’s music up louder just to mess with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who've liked the first chapter and those who have subscribed! I hope you continue to like this fic!

That night, Merlin hadn’t been able to sleep. All he could find himself capable of doing was stare at the ceiling of his bedroom as the very few straggling cars in the late night made the room light up from their headlights.  After so many years of waiting, Arthur was finally alive again.

And unlike the others, Arthur had recognized him.

Sure, Gwain, Percival,a nd Gwen were his friends like they had been back in the days of dragons and druids, but that didn’t mean they had recognized him or anything. It was just that law of reincarnation, they were always meant to be his friends no matter the lifetime, no matter the circumstances. Fate was a strong thing.

But of course he had to be stupid and let Arthur run off out of his life yet again and now there was no way of knowing how/if/when he’d ever see the blond again. Merlin was confident he just became the cause of his own heart breaking a second time.

By the time morning rolled around and his alarm went off, Merlin was exhausted. He ended up being awake the entire night. So he went through his normal routine with an addition of sugar to keep his systems in check until he could grab something for lunch later and was on his way to work.

“Now tell me this lovely incident again, but in a lower voice so my head doesn’t throb.”

In hindsight, Gwaine probably wasn’t the friend to be talking this over with, but a guy’s got to work with what he can get. Even if that thing happens to be hung-over and using the counter like a deathbed. He was kind of tempted to turn the store’s music up louder just to mess with him.

Merlin exchanged money (and an apologetic look) with a customer over the incapacitated co-worker, then promptly used his magick to make him roll off the counter with a loud _thump_ against the ground. He’s not ashamed to admit he felt just a little pride in the groan that followed from his friend. “If it was such a problem to tell you the first time around then I’ll just wait and tell Gwen when I talk to her.”

“I didn’t say it was a problem, per say, just the volume.” Gwaine countered, getting to his feet slowly and leaning on the counter this time instead of spreading out on it. “The story doesn’t need to be yelled is all. Now, some cute blond knocked you down?”

Arthur Pendragon is not just cute, he’s gorgeous! Something everyone admitted back in the days of Camelot. Even now, that smile did things that made Merlin’s insides feel like his magick is on the fritz. The warlock cleared his throat and nodded, he’s forever doomed to have those thoughts cycle through his head.

“Cute Blond has a name, you know.” Merlin pointed out, grabbing some of the return items from near the register and moving out from behind the counter to put them in their rightful places. Gwaine followed, hiding his real interest in the conversation with his reluctance to be moving. “It’s Arthur.”

“So he knocked you over, told you his name, but no number?” Gwaine asked, his face giving off the vibe that he finds this appalling.

“That would be correct.” The warlock nodded, rearranging items so the Twilight merchandise could be hidden behind all the Tim Burton. Honestly, the things in cinema these days. In the beginning films were stunning and original. Now it’s all the same plotlines being recycled or a re-make of a classic or just flat out shitty. Like Twilight. Since when was being in a relationship with a glittery abusive creeper a good thing?

“Why didn’t you ask him for it?” Gwaine continued. “When a guy knocks you over, you make them repay you with a drink at the pub and a number to call for when you inevitably hook up.”

Merlin had to refrain from blushing at the idea of being in bed with Arthur, which was a fantasy he’s already spent countless nights and cold showers on. “No, Gwaine, that’s what _you_ made guys do.”

“Hey, I don’t do it anymore, thank you very much.” Gwaine replied with a sniff, crossing his arms.

“Yes, I know, not since Percy started bending you over any surface you two can find.”

“Exactly.” His friend said proudly with a smug smile. “But that doesn’t answer my question. Why didn’t you ask for his number?”

Truthfully, Merlin still hadn’t been sure what he saw was real. On the way to work he’d convinced himself that this could have been some illusion. A daydream. He could have tripped instead of being pushed. It could have been him wanting that wish of his to work.

The warlock gave a one-shouldered shrug, avoiding looking at the other man by reorganizing some shirts. “It all happened so fast. And really, if you had seen him, you would have known he’s out of my league.” That sounded very modern of an excuse, right?

Instead of the eyeroll or blow off that Merlin had been hoping for, Gwaine actually gave him a serious look. “Merlin,” he started with a hand resting on his shoulder, “leagues don’t matter anymore. Take baseball. Anyone can be in any league. Some cheat, some are just terrible players, and others are there because they have the heart and skill to prove they belong. You are in the Major leagues, my friend, and from the sounds of it this Arthur guy could have been a good catch.”

“Wow, Gwaine, that…that’s actually pretty insightful.” Merlin said in surprise.

“I have my moments.” The brunet shrugged.

The warlock smiled a bit; maybe it wasn’t a mistake to tell him after all.

Gwaine ended up paying for lunch. He said it was his gift to him for finally having the slightest interest in someone, even if Arthur was long gone now. Merlin was somewhat touched by the gesture. It was sweet, considering it was Gwaine. Since the table in the back room was currently still covered by boxes of unregistered inventory the two of them just stayed at the front counter eating. Merlin had come to strangely enjoy cheeseburgers through the years, unable to explain much why exactly but it never stopped him from enjoying a few.

Merlin was in the middle of scarfing down some of his fries when the beeper he noticed a couple come in from the corner of his eye. He heard Gwaine give them a welcome while he worked on changing the music since it was starting to loop for the third time, so it wasn’t until they were close to the counter that he finally looked up. As soon as he did, his eyes widened and his body went into shock like the first time.

Arthur in all his glory was like a beacon of light amongst the dark store. His hair shined like golden sunlight, his blue eyes filled with a curiosity. Even his clothes were lighter on the color side with the khaki colored jeans and the red and white flannel.

Okay, he can’t be imagining this after all if Gwaine saw him too. That was a good sign.

What wasn’t a good sign was that there was someone with him! Merlin really had to question Arthur’s taste--when hasn’t he questioned it?—since just looking at the back of her screamed easy. Heels too high to be comfortable made the black miniskirt look even shorter, and a tight lacey forest green bodice that made porcelain shaded skin stand out further and made the long curly raven black locks of hair starker in contrast. As they turned he could already tell that her make up was—

_Holyshitit’sMorgana!!!_

Okay, so that probably shouldn’t be surprising him but the very fact Morgana was there with Arthur when last time he’d seen them she was trying to kill the blond and the fact she’s wearing _that_ , well he was in the right to be allowed to start mentally freaking out! And maybe he was desperately hoping she'd be someone who stayed dead! He's already got his fingers crossed about Mordred, too!

“Merlin? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Leave it to Gwaine to notice and tease. Unfortunately he was sort of correct. Merlin grabbed the front of his friend’s Queen shirt and used him to hide his own face so the other two couldn’t see.

“The guy that just walked in.” He whispered frantically, holding back to urge to point or look. The other brunet on the other hand made no effort to hide looking himself.

“What about him?” He asked, a brow rising in expectancy.

Merlin gave him a meaningful look, jerking his head more at the two customers. “That’s _him!”_ he hissed.

“He who?” Gwaine asked, staring confusedly at Merlin before it slowly dawned on him, his mouth forming an ‘O’. “ _Arthur_?” he spared another glance at the blond before shaking his head with a low whistle. “Damn, you weren’t kidding about him being attractive.”

“No shit he’s attractive.” Merlin scoffed, it was insulting for anyone to think otherwise!

As if he’d sensed someone was talking about him, Arthur turned his head to look past Morgana—And directly at Merlin. The warlock froze again, until the familiarity was blatant on the blond’s face. Arthur smiled through his surprise and left the brunette to walk over to the counter and again Merlin felt something tug at his heart seeing the king living and breathing in front of him.

“Merlin, right?” He asked, his smile warm and bright. Oh man, how he’s missed that.

“It is, yeah.” Merlin nodded, returning the smile with one of his own. “And you’re Arthur.”

“I am.” Arthur nodded as well.

“And I’m Gwaine.” The third man inserted, leaning against the counter. “One of the very close friends of the amazing Merlin.”

The blond gave a nod in acknowledgement, but his attention quickly returned to the warlock. “I suppose I should have guessed you worked at a place like this with all the eyeliner.”

“Not all boys who wear eyeliner work at Hot Topic.” Merlin pointed out with an amused smile.

“True.” Arthur mused. “But I’m glad you do, at least.”

Merlin’s brows rose, his cheeks daring to start heating up with a dust of pink. “You are?” He asked curiously.

“Yes, I still feel badly for knocked you over yesterday.” Arthur grimaced. “I want to make it up to you.”

“You really don’t have to.” Merlin shook his head. Seriously, Merlin, stop pushing away the guy you’re in love with and supposed to protect again!

“I may not have to, but I want to.” He countered.

Merlin started to object again, but Gwaine quickly covered his mouth and shot Arthur a smile. “What did you have in mind?” He asked.

Arthur looked between the two boys for a moment, but decided not to question it. “My sister Morgan and I are throwing a party on Saturday.  I’d be honored if you would come.”

Gwaine and Merlin both looked over at Morgan, who was busy trying to find the smallest size of an ‘I’m the Queen, Bitch’ to notice. There was no lifetime that he would ever trust her again, so going to a party that she’ll be attending wasn’t at the top of his list. However Arthur was the one inviting him, and for the first time he had a chance to say no without being forced to go.

“Of course.” He nodded, giving him a smile. “I’d love to go. Sounds like it’ll be loads of fun.”

“Great.” Arthur grinned, looking for something to write on, which Gwaine was more than happy to provide. He scribbled down an address on the back of a supply sheet, and then slid it across the counter to Merlin. “Starts at ten.”

“I’ll be there.” Merlin promised.

“Is he allowed to bring friends?” Gwaine interjected, batting his lashes at Arthur who couldn’t hold in a laugh.

“Sure, bring a few, the more the merrier.”

“I do hope you’re not proposing some kind of three-way with these two, Arthur.” Morgan said as she set her shirt and some make up onto the counter.

“I was inviting them to the party.” Arthur sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Morgan’s piercing eyes fell onto Merlin while he rang up her things, looking him over in such a way that it left him feeling violated. He was already beginning to prefer the old Morgana.

“I certainly hope you come along.” She told him with a coy smile. “I bet you’d be a lot of fun.”

Merlin held in his disgust and handed over the bag of her purchases, holding back from shuddering as she lingered her touch handing over the money.

“I guess I’ll be seeing you both there then.” He got himself to say, flashing them a smile. It was all he could do to keep together until they were both gone.

“One, she already gives me the trashy vibe.” Gwain started, shaking his head. “And two, we’re gonna have the time of our lives at that party.”

For once, Merlin was starting to get on the same thoughts about it as Gwaine. He and Arthur had fun at the celebrations at the castle. This shouldn’t be any different, right?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and company attend the former Pendragons' party, and the warlock is thrown through a loop of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for getting this out later than I planned, it was a bitch to write and things were busy because of school. So anyways, enjoy!

In his long life, Merlin has had to watch as his loved ones dad one by one. Arthur, his father, his mother, Gaius, Gwaine, Guinevere, Sir Leon, Percival, Lancelot. He’s faced countless evils like Nimueh and Morgana, been called Emrys and the Last Dragon Lord. Legends have been written of his and Arthur’s lives. Though he would like to point out that Morgana and Arthur never did anything further than crush on each other until he fell for Guinevere and Mordred was just a druid boy, not their love child! Really, people, what it is about incest that people found so enticing? People are even putting those Winchester brothers together! 

And yet here he was, pacing back and forth in his bedroom like a nervous wreck while Gwen could only watch helplessly. So much for being a great and powerful warlock if he’s trying to convince himself not to see Arthur again even with their written destiny.

“Maybe this is a bad idea.” He went on, playing with his hands. “He only invited me to be nice. I won’t know anyone there. Something could happen. I’ll end up making a fool of myself like I always do.”

Gwen got up from the bed and walked over to him, standing in his way and resting her hands on his shoulders. “Merlin, you need to relax.” She said softly with a slight laugh in her voice. “You and Gwaine have both described him as a kind guy. He said more than that but I would rather not repeat the specifics. You cannot let fear stop you from going. Have some fun for once in your life.”

Merlin couldn’t help the jealousy that ran through him for a second, Gwaine saying anything about Arthur like that wasn’t all right. He can keep his eyes on Percival, which is exactly what he’s supposed to do since they’re together.

He sighed and took a breath to relax, still knowing she was right. “If I do something to humiliate myself tonight, will you save me from the laughter and we can go to somewhere just the two of us?”

“I promise we will.” She nodded. “Gwaine’s the one who’s more into these things than I am, leaving would be fine with me as long as I keep your reputation in tact.”

“I knew I liked you for some reason.” Merlin smiled.

Gwen rolled her eyes and moved away from the warlock, returning to her seat on the bed, gesturing for him to actually get around to changing now that he wasn’t trying to back out of going to the party. He relented and dug out his clothes, then went to the bathroom to change. He may have known Gwen for over a lifetime but that did not mean he gave up the chance of privacy when dressing.

Through the years, Merlin had let his wardrobe change. It was inevitable, considering every decade had it’s own fashion which meant he couldn’t stay in rags and tunics forever. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t find something similar to what he’d worn all those years before. He donned on black jeans (not the skinny ones, he detested how tight those were, how could anyone walk around properly in them?) and a white button up, then a nice cornflower blue jacket over it that reminded him of his older ones that Arthur had always enjoyed making fun of. Much to his chagrin, he’d eventually had to stop wearing his neckerchiefs and replace them with various things like ascotts and ties. So one thing he enjoyed in these modern times were the scarves. Merlin wrapped a vibrant red scarf around his neck in a careful fashion, adjusting it to be just right before he deemed it appropriate. If he looked at his reflection long enough, he could pretend for a few minutes that he was still in the halls of the Pendragon castle of Camelot.

It was often in these quiet moments alone that Merlin would fall into the never-ending cycle of doubt and regret. It was difficult not to question every action he had ever taken as Arthur’s manservant/guardian. Would Mordred and Morgana have turned to the dark of magick if he had been honest with them of his own? If he had helped them instead of letting Kilgharrah fill his head or Uther keeping him afraid? Could he have saved them? Could he have changed things with Arthur if he’d been honest to him instead of admitting the truth of his magick as the king he’d loved and had been destined to protect was dying? The guilt and questions never ceased in all the passing time. They just came back over and over, growing worse each time.

Knocking on the bathroom door pulled Merlin away from his darker thoughts. It wasn’t good to dwell in them anyways when there was company.

“Merlin, Gwaine and Percy are waiting for us outside.”

“I’ll be out in a second.” Merlin called to his dear friend. He turned the cold water on to splash his face with it, gathering his bearings. Tonight he’s supposed to have fun. Tonight, he gets to see Arthur. Tonight held the beginning of a new start with his king.

Merlin opened the bathroom door and shut off the light, meeting Gwen by the door, who smiled with her approval.

“You look dashing, Merlin.” She said as she opened the door. “I think you’re going to have many eyes on you tonight.”

“I think I’ll be okay with none.” Merlin responded. He locked the door behind them and followed Gwen to the car, getting into the back with her since Gwaine always sat next to Percy when he drove. The brunet turned around in the passenger seat, grinning at Merlin and Gwen with excitement.   


“This Is going to be bloody fantastic!” He exclaimed. “Merlin, we’re going to pop your party cherry and we are going to get you all loosened up tonight.”

“Looking forward to it.” Merlin murmured with a slight smile.

He spent the drive in silence while Gwaine filled the car with conversation. The radio was blaring but no one minded since their friend had a tendency to do so all the time. Merlin could feel himself getting nervous, making him turn quieter with each minute that passed. This was his one chance at having Arthur in his life again, and if Morgana or himself screwed it up, then he will have failed utterly in every imaginable way.

Merlin hadn’t even realized how much time had gone by until the music outside of the car was louder than what they had on inside. He didn’t even need to guess to know Arthur and Morgana’s residence was in the wealthier neighborhood in town. There were dozens of cars crammed in park along the sidewalks and driveways, groups of people dancing on the front lawn of the house. Gwaine’s excitement was pulsing through the car as Percy maneuvered the car in between a Ferrari and an Audi, and of course was the first one out of the car like a bolt of lightening.

“I think you’re going to need to get a leash to keep ahold of your boyfriend, Percy.” Gwen said with a laugh.

“Trust me, he’d like it too much.” The bigger man sighed, shaking his head and he removed himself from the car and left Gwen and Merlin to chase down the other member of their party.

“This place is big enough to fit three houses into it.” Merlin shook his head slowly, unable to look away from the massive spectacle. He supposed he shouldn’t have expected anything less from the reincarnated Pendragons, but this day and age still allowed the possibility.

Gwen just laughed more with a soft smile, then linked their arms and began the trudge up to the front door in a calmer fashion than their accompanied couple.

Stepping into the house proved it to somehow be even bigger than its shell. Merlin swore his apartment fit into the living room alone. The walls were vast and white with endless supplies of art to decorate them. Music filled the house and echoed off the walls, making it feel like they were in a cave where they were standing. The size helped to hold back the feeling of claustrophobia as they looked around them at the mass of partygoers who were busy dancing against each other with their red plastic Dixie cups or wine glasses held up in the air amongst the bottles of beer. Well, at least they kept a variety.

As they pushed their way further into the house, they managed to find Percy and Gwaine, who were already with drinks in hand and joining everyone else in dancing. It was best not to bother them at this point, which Merlin had been hoping for since it meant he wouldn’t have to worry about Gwaine trying to get him to do anything to rash.

They managed to find the kitchen, which at any other time would have looked immaculate, but now held rows of alcohol and food or counters of couples making getting in depth with each other’s mouths. Gwen swiped them some beers so they could get away from the awkward couplings. He could always count on her to join him in the world of singledom at times like this. Now that Arthur was around, that might change for her.

It was as they were spat back out into the entryway that their gracious host of the evening made an appearance. Merlin could recognize him anywhere; there was never a doubt about it. Plus he was coming down the stairs so there weren’t many it could be. Merlin knew that Gwen was watching him, but he couldn’t stop watching _Arthur_ as the blond made his way down with that bright smile. Arthur was saying his hellos with whoever was nearby and waving to those who called out his name, it was like seeing him back in his element of Camelot. Everyone knew and loved him. That could never change.

As soon as Arthur’s eyes landed Merlin, his seemed to brighten even more than it should be possible.

“You made it!” He shouted out as he made his way over, pulling Merlin into a hug that he felt was friendlier than expected at the current stage of their friendship (He was using the term loosely since this was only the third time they’ve seen each other).

“Yeah, well, you said we should come, so we did.” Merlin replied, internally wincing at how awkward that came out. He didn’t need Gwen’s face reinforcing that thought.

“It’s great you did. I kind of didn’t expect you since we haven’t been acquainted for too long.” Arthur said almost…Embarrassed? That was something Merlin could only pinpoint a few times in the old Arthur. He was a little embarrassed himself that he’d expected the blond to be a prat still. But he could work with this; he so could work with this.

“Gwaine can be very convincing.” He said, pointing in the general direction of where he and Gwen had seen him last. “He’s already having a good time with his boyfriend Percy.”

“Sounds like the party’s doing its job then.” Arthur smiled before moving his gaze to Gwen.

“Oh, right. Arthur, this is my close friend Gwen. Gwen, this is Arthur.”

“Yes, the man who knocked Merlin over for a soccer ball.” Gwen said with an amused curve of her lips.

“I swear it was an accident. I don’t normally bump into people unintentionally.” The blond swore with a chuckle.

“So where’s Morgana?” Merlin asked, the question feeling like bile but he still felt it was necessary to ask.

Arthur looked around them, looking uncertain himself but shrugging it off. “She’s around here somewhere.” He answered casually. “She tends to make a habit of going of wandering, make sure her presence is missed or needed.”

“Arthur! Can we get some different music playing? This crap sucks!”

The disbelief that was felt couldn’t be explained as the warlock stared with a growing smile as an old friend joined them. He looked the same as ever, from the dark curls on his head to the dignified manner he held himself, even in the casual attire of a grey cotton shirt and jeans.

“You always have a problem with the music.” Arthur said flatly with a roll of his eyes.

“Because you always choose the worst kind.” He replied with a smirk. The smirk slowly died from his face to be replaced with a polite smile when his eyes fell on Gwen, the air feeling more magnetized with their instant connection. Merlin shouldn’t have been surprised in any way. “I don’t believe I’ve seen you around here before.”

Gwen’s own smile was slow but kind. “You haven’t, no. I’m Gwen.”

“Lance.”

The air was getting hard to breathe from Merlin’s standpoint, feeling like he was interrupting a private moment. Arthur seemed to be feeling it too, since he was already moving away from the two.

“I better go take care of the music.” He called out, eyes falling on Merlin before he was swallowed up from the cluster of dancers.

Merlin didn’t know whether to follow. It was an urge that had developed over time of being the king’s servant, but now the act was unwarranted and strange. He wasn’t going to get between Lance and Gwen, and he wasn’t going to go find the couple who’d driven him around, so he just backed away and started walking down a random corridor hoping to find a way out, setting his untouched beer down on one of the hallway tables. There were pictures nicely displayed along the way, and really, he was too curious not to look at them. He’d never seen Arthur as a child before, and in these photos he seemed like one of the happiest children in the world. They all did. Four year-old Arthur at a birthday party, ten year-old Arthur playing soccer. He could only guess that there were trophies wherever Arthur’s bedroom was. Part of him was sad that he couldn’t see any of this in person.

“Taking an interest in our family history?”

Merlin whirled around, his heart racing as he stared wide-eyed at Morgana--Morgan. Even now she managed to be able to surprise him in the worst of ways. Like with the dress that was even tighter and shorter than when she’d been in Hot Topic. Her make up didn’t help, heavy on the eyeliner and sharp with the shade of red on her lips. She was leaning against the doorway to what he could only assume was her room, head tilted as she watched him come down from this mini panic attack with amusement.

“Y-yes. You all seemed to have had fun growing up.” Merlin finally got out, arms wrapping around his chest as he cleared his throat.

She shrugged with a complete lack of interest on the subject, stepping more into the hallway to get closer to Merlin. “I guess we did. When we were allowed to do what we wished.”

The warlock tried to back up, only for his back to already be pressed against the opposite wall. Well lovely, this was exactly what he wanted in this life. Morgan took advantage of the situation to close the space, making sure her prey didn’t escape.

“I-I was just, um, going to go get a drink.” He tried, making an attempt to move but she had him good.

“Maybe you should get something else first.” She countered casually, her voice and eyes filled with the implications of what she was wanting.

“You mean like a snack? Sounds good to me.”

“Good, I have something in mind for the perfect snack.” Morgan replied smoothly, leaning in and kissing him.

Merlin felt helpless and frozen, disgust making its roll through his stomach. Oh gods, this was what he’d imagined when he first moved to Camelot? He was so glad he got over this crush quickly. It felt so wrong to be kissing with Morgana, especially when the one he wants this with is a blond former king who’s somewhere else in this house! Why can’t this Morgan hate him like the other one did? Or just be friends? Anything would be better than this!

The brunette slowly pulled back, the sly smile still there as she lifted a hand up to his face and slowly used her thumb to wipe the lipstick off of him.

“Come to my room later.” She said in a low, silky voice. He was gladder by the second it in no way affected him. “Then we’ll have a real party.”

Morgan didn’t give him a chance to respond, instead stepping back from him and walking away, her hips swinging in a way that was supposed to be enticing but did nothing for him except make him shudder.

Okay, he needed out of this party.

Merlin waited until he knew he wouldn’t see Morgan before he went the same way she did, being emptied out into the crowding party guests. It was a difficult struggle to get through them, with no sight of his friends along the way. He was relieved when he found the door, however, and was more than happy to walk through it so he could have some fresh air.

Of course, it took him a second to see that he wasn’t out front.

The backyard was as big as the house itself, but that’s not why his attention was so held by it. The section he was standing in held a patio, suited with chairs and tables. Beyond it though, it was all one big beautiful garden that he swore was straight out of Avalon.

In the center of the garden lied a large pond that anywhere else could have been considered a lake. The water was clear with lights scattered around it, also lighting up the dozens of flowers and bushes surrounding the beautiful water. Merlin couldn’t look away from it as he came closer, wondering if this was a dream but his sense enforcing that it indeed was reality. He lowered to his knees in front of the large pond, seeing through the clear water that there were fish swimming around below the surface. He brushed his fingers against the surface, feeling a sense of déjà vu. It was like he was being given another clue that his destiny was on track again.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Merlin jumped at the voice, retracting his hand like he’d been caught trying to steal a cookie from the jar. He cleared his throat and looked over his shoulder at Arthur, who didn’t seem to be upset at all.

“My mother had created it herself.” The blond continued, taking a seat next to the warlock. “My father told me when I was little that she used to come out here for peace. Use it for inspiration to write.”

“It’s gorgeous. She must have gotten plenty of that inspiration.” Merlin said with a small smile.

“She did.” Arthur nodded, matching Merlin’s smile with his own. “I come out here and sit right in the spot just to think. Sometimes I feel like she’s here with me.”

“Maybe she is.” Merlin said softly.

Arthur’s smile began to turn sad, but he quickly changed it and the subject. “Not enjoying the party?”

“I’ve never been the party type, really.” The warlock shook his head. Well, unless it was Medieval types of parties. “Gwaine is, though. And I can tell you for certain he’s having a splendid time.”

The former king chuckled slightly, his smile a realer one. “I suppose that it’s still a good thing you stayed instead of really leaving.”

“And leave my mates? Never.” Merlin shook his head with a grin. “I prefer to still breathe.”

“So if you aren’t the party type, then what type are you, Merlin?” Arthur asked after a moment of shared laughter.

Merlin had to actually think about that. He never put to much into what he considered himself as besides a powerful warlock. “The type who likes simpler things.” He answered. “I prefer movies and reading, bowling…”

“Bowling?” He asked with a snort.

“Yes, bowling.” Merlin replied, laughing a little himself with how ridiculous it sounded. “It may sound silly, but I enjoy it. I’ve gotten quite good at it and it gives me an excuse to force Gwaine to pay for food.”

Arthur didn’t say anything at first. He just stared at Merlin, and the warlock got the sense of being scrutinized. “There’s something about you, Merlin.” He said, a hint of wonder in his voice. “I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

Merlin was hit with the memory of Arthur saying those very words the time they’d fought the second time they’d seen each other back in the beginning of their tale. He couldn’t form words right away, fighting the sting of his eyes.  “I hope you mean that in a good way.” He said, giving what he hoped wasn’t a shaky smile.

“It’s good, I assure you.” Arthur promised.

“Then…Thank you, I guess.”

“Merlin, are you sure we’ve never met before?”

“I think I would remember meeting you in this life if we had.”

“Strange…” Arthur murmured. “I just…I can’t help but fell like I at least have _seen_ you…like…a dream….”

“A dream?” Okay, none of the others have had feelings or dreams. Merlin was feeling afraid and hopeful all at once while super confused and there was no way this was real, right?

The blond nodded as if in a daze, a far away look in his eyes that told the warlock he was recollecting said dream. “It’s always so hazy.” He started. “And there’s this castle, and knights. And I’m a prince. But you’re there, too. Always there at my side no matter how condescending I am…you drank poison to protect me and I almost lost you. I could never admit why the possibility felt like it was crushing me under its weight.”

Merlin was held where he was with the surprise he was struck with. Arthur had remembered, even if it was a dream, this version of his king had a memory! The feelings, though, they sounded so much stronger than he expected them to. Back then it had been a surprise Arthur even wanted to save him. It was touching that his king had cared so much back then.

“Sounds like a heavy dream.” He mumbled.

“It was.” Arthur whispered, slowly leaning closer as if he were compelled to. And honestly, Merlin felt compelled to as well. The warlock’s eyes started to close in anticipation, his heart racing in his ears they were so close—

“There you guys are! Merlin, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Merlin jolted, pulling away from Arthur in a heartbeat to look behind them and finding Gwen making her ways towards them. To no surprise she had Lance trailing not far behind.

“Well you’ve found me.” He replied with a weak laugh. He looked to Arthur from the corner of his eye, trying not to be too disappointed that the blond seemed to have recovered from the momentary lapse.

“You might want to get inside.” Lance advised both boys, looking at them worriedly.

“I’m afraid to ask why.” Merlin sighed as he stood up and brushed his jeans off.

“There was a, um, situation with Morgan.” Gwen replied with a grimace. “Percy’s been spending the last give minutes trying to hold him back from taking the fight a step further.”

“Oh great.” Arthur groaned. “Leave it to her to start something. It’s like she lives for causing trouble.”

Oh you have no idea, Merlin thought to himself as he followed the other three back into the house. So much for a peaceful moment. The disappointment he held in only grew further with this, however, and it felt like his brain was holding off on letting him go into panic mode over what almost happened at the pond. At least some things don’t come as a surprise.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You owe me details.” His friend stated, putting an arm around his shoulders.
> 
> “Details on what?” 
> 
> “On what you and Arthur did last night.” 
> 
> “We didn’t do anything.” 
> 
> “Please, he was acting like a puppy dog trying to please its master. Something had to happened with you two.” Gwaine scoffed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it's getting closer to the semester ending, I won't be able to post chapters as quickly as I wished, but I swear that this fic will be finished! Please enjoy, I sure do~

Merlin couldn’t sleep that night after the party.

He tried, believe him he tried, but his mind couldn’t cease its racing.

In the first hour of restlessness, he had considered calling Gwaine to talk. But then he remembered exactly how Gwaine gets after a night of partying so that option flew out of the window. Gwen would be sound asleep and of course Percival would be with his boyfriend so it was obvious the night would be spent wide-awake all on his own.

_Arthur and I almost kissed._

The thought was on a loop in his mind since they’d all left the party. It was the very reason he couldn’t sleep. A kiss from Arthur was something he had always dreamed about back in the days of Albien. Tonight he could have had exactly that. Yet somehow Merlin couldn’t help but feel relieved it didn’t. Was he deserving of Arthur after failing him the first time around? Would Arthur have been able to tell Morgan had kissed him? Surely Arthur would have come to regret it. It was a party; they were caught up in a moment where Arthur had _remembered_ one of the first times he had laid his life down for the prince. Things happen.

By hour three that is exactly what Merlin convinced himself it was. A mistake.

Who would believe an ex-prat would want an ex-servant?

Merlin figured out that it was a waste of time to try sleeping when it wasn’t going to grace him with its presence so he removed himself from bed and went ahead with his day. He started up the coffee maker—he much preferred tea but this was one of those times he was in need of something stronger—before he got in the shower. Even at such a scalding temperature he didn’t feel it all that much. The warlock took his time cleaning himself, and then used his good friend magick to dress back into a pair of sweats and a loose tunic.

The coffee sent a dull thrum of energy through him. It didn’t make him any more awake or tired, but at least he knew it was in his system. Merlin grabbed his laptop and took a seat on the couch. He pulled up Pandora on his phone to listen to while he refreshes himself on some of Gaius’s old books that he had scanned for this very purpose before the books began to deteriorate.

He got through exactly five pages before he realized what he was listening to and immediately wanted to curl up and die.

_Darling don’t be afraid_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I’ll love you for a thousand more_

What—Was the world trying to mock him? The irony isn’t lost on him, all right! Merlin quickly skipped the song, preferring to not think about Arthur during the rest of his sleepless night.

_If you only knew_

_I’m hanging by a thread, the web I spin for you_

_If you only knew_

_I’d sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you_

Merlin’s hands clenched into fists, forcing down the guilt that flew up as well as the pain in his heart. He clicked to skip the song again; Pandora was starting to get on his nerves. The next song that played sounded safe, and he was able to relax a little bit.

_Every little thing that you say or do_

_I’m hung up_

_I’m hung up on you_

There was a reason he avoided music in the beginning. So many songs are the kind that makes his heart wrench. Or just like to mock him.

_In another life, I would be your girl_

_We’d keep all our promises, be us against the world_

_In another life, I would make you stay_

_So I don’t have to say you were the one that got away_

_The one that got away_

Eyes glowed bright gold as the phone soared across the room and shattered on its impact with the wall, the music cutting off abruptly.

Sometimes it was like everything was set on making sure he felt the most absolute of pain and guilt. He doesn’t need to be reminded of what happened back at Avalon all those years ago! He knows how he failed! He knows that he has an undying love for Arthur! It’s nothing new!

And yet, by the time the sun rose, he was stuck singing each of those songs to himself and having a good ol’ cry about it.

When he was able to collect himself, Merlin picked up the pieces of his dead phone and threw them away. The warranty definitely didn’t cover destruction via magick. Which meant he’d have to pay the entire cost for a new one. Merlin grabbed his wallet and keys, the SIM card in his pocket as he headed out to the local Best Buy. Not exactly how he would choose to spend his morning before work, but nothing he could do about it since he couldn’t turn back time. If only The Doctor existed to help with that one, things could have been a lot different.

By the time Merlin had a working replacement phone, he had to rush through putting his eyeliner on and getting ready for work. He was just barely able to make it to Hot Topic in time, promptly scrunching up his face as he passed by Gwaine and Percy’s groping session to clock in.

“You two are why there won’t be any customers.” He called out to them from the back room, leaving his bag there before heading back out to see Gwaine’s smirk.

“They should be happy we’re giving them a free show.” His friend stated gleefully. At least Merlin could share a look with Percy.

“It’s the only way to get him to shut up.” Percy said apologetically, earning a punch to the arm that was loud enough to resonate through the store.

“That’s why I prefer to let him blabber. Otherwise the three of us would be having an extremely uncomfortable conversation, and I like having an uninjured body since you could easily snap it like a twig.”

“Oh I wouldn’t hurt you, Merlin.” The bigger of the young men promised. “Who else would be able to keep Gwaine busy while I have moments of peace and quiet to myself?”

Gwaine huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at the other two as they laughed. “This is why I should leave you two fuckers on your own and hit up the pub all by myself.”

“You know we love you, Gwaine.” Merlin said through his laugh.

“If we didn’t, you’d be right in drinking by yourself.” Percy added, pulling his boyfriend close to kiss his neck.

“You’re extremely lucky that you’re chiseled and buff.” The brunet stated, giving into the affection and bringing his boyfriend’s mouth back to his own.

Merlin promptly looked away, for both his own sanity and to give them privacy. He bided his time going through the list of inventory and turning on the store’s music, anything to drown out the sounds coming from Gwaine and Percy swapping saliva. He perked up a bit when he saw Gwen passing by, about to wave at her when he noticed that she looked a little…Distracted to say the least. Or a little murderous, perhaps.

“Gwen!” He called out, trying to get her attention. It took a few calls of her name and crawling over the counter to get to her.

“Oh, hey, Merlin.” She greeted, her smile just barely coming off as happy.

“Are you all right? Did something happen with your dad?”

“No, he’s all right. Getting better.”

“Then did something come up with Lance? You two seemed to hit it off quite well last night.”

“Things are fine with Lance.” Gwen assured. “It’s just…Elyan.”

Merlin’s brows rose, she hadn’t spoken about him for a long while. It had brought him happiness when he first heard that her brother was alive like the others were. Unfortunately it seemed the previous troubles he got into in the past were still a trait in the present so she rarely spoke of him.

“Elyan? What about him?”

Gwen sighed and pushed her hair back, the short strand of curls just falling back into her face as she made her decision whether or not to tell. “He’s gotten into some money troubles again.” She said in a low voice. “So he showed up last night a little before Gwaine and Percy had dropped me off at home. He’s been trying to get us to loan him the money again.”

“Maybe he should be put in a program to help?” Merlin offered, at a loss for how to help. Last time all that needed to happen was them and Arthur saving his life from Morgana and Morgause.

What now, would he have to fake a kidnapping himself?

“I keep telling father that we can’t keep encouraging him.” Gwen rubbed her face. “If we stop helping then maybe he’ll learn his arse needs to take care of itself.”

“I think that’d be the best way.” Merlin agreed gently.

“Now to just get my father on the same boat.”

“When he sees that it will help, he will.”

“I certainly hope so.” She replied with a small smile. “I need to get to work, can’t be late.”

“Right, of course.”

Gwen kissed his cheek and bid farewell. Merlin watched her go before he went back into his own workplace, able to have a settled stomach now that Gwen and Percy weren’t attached to each other.

Of course, that’s because Gwaine was getting into _his_ personal space.

“You owe me details.” His friend stated, putting an arm around his shoulders.

“Details on what?”

“On what you and Arthur did last night.”

“We didn’t do anything.”

“Please, he was acting like a puppy dog trying to please its master. Something had to happened with you two.” Gwaine scoffed.

Merlin’s face scrunched at the mental image that came from that comparison, Arthur wasn’t acting like that…was he? Why would he want to please him? It’s always been the other way around. He removed Gwaine’s arm and went around the counter, setting out some of the mini flyers they had for The Killers concert that was coming up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gwaine.”

“Merlin, you really aren’t as sly at avoiding the truth as you think.” Percy was kind enough to point out. “I’m interested to know if this guy’s intentions are completely good and if he’s worthy of you.”

“ _Worthy_?” Merlin laughed. “Percy, I think that is the other way around. Arthur has proven himself to be a gentleman anyways, so I think it’s safe to say that he’s perfectly fine as being worthy.”

“You’re still avoiding telling us what we want to know.” Gwaine pointed out almost smugly.

“Oh my—Fine! We talked by his little pond garden thing and almost kissed! Is that better?”

“You only _almost_ kissed?” Gwaine asked, his disappointment hanging thickly in the air.

“We were interrupted.” Merlin said pointedly. “If it wasn’t for you and Morgan, things would have possibly gotten further.”

“Don’t you blame it on me, we were there for plenty of time afterwards.” He countered. “Merlin, you are a young man who is in desperate need of getting laid and dating. I am deeply ashamed that you didn’t at the very least get to first base with him.”

“And I’m disappointed in myself for keeping you as a best friend.”

“As weird as it is to say, Gwaine’s right.” Percy stepped in. “Merlin, there’s been not one person you have tried to do anything with in all these years we’ve known you. Now there’s finally a guy that you’re showing a reciprocated interest in and you haven’t done anything besides an almost kiss. It’s time you let loose. Stop thinking and just do.”

“Somehow you two have become a lot smarter than you used to be.” Merlin muttered, shaking his head with a sigh.

“Maybe that’s because we’re more experienced than you are.” Gwaine stated.

“I highly doubt that’s the reason.” Merlin replied. The conversation was ended (a great relied, he might add) when his new phone went off. The number didn’t look familiar and there wasn’t a name with it, but Merlin answered anyways, if anything to make sure the person on the other end knew for sure this was the wrong number or not to call again if it was one of those telemarketers. “Hello?”

“Merlin?” A familiar voice rang through the line, making his insides immediately warm up like someone cranking up the heater of their flat.

“Arthur?” The warlock managed to get out in surprise, his nearby friends immediately getting closer to listen with avid interest.

“Gwen gave to me when I had Lance ask her for it.” He said, sounding sheepish. “I’m sorry, this is creepy, isn’t it?”

“Uh, no, no, it’s not. It’s fine.” Merlin assured. “What’s up?”

“Last night we didn’t really get to talk too much.” Arthur started.

Did he…Did he sound nervous? Last time he had a nervous Arthur was when the guy was head over heels for Guinevere!

“No, we didn’t.” Merlin agreed slowly, his head nodding on its own even though the blond wasn’t there to see it. He kept attempting to move away from Percy and Gwaine, but the two were like glue sticking with him no matter what. He gave both of them a glare and even considered using his magick to make them give him breathing room.

“Right, well, I was thinking that maybe we could fix that.” Arthur continued. “Maybe you can show me a thing or two about bowling.”

“You want to go bowling? With me?” He asked, a little dumbfounded.

Gwaine and Percy shared a look of confusion but he ignored it, feeling a little more anxious from this conversation.

“Yes, I want to go bowling with you.” The blond laughed. “I was thinking we could go tomorrow night?”

“I…I mean, that sounds like fun…” The warlock started, getting looks from the other two that said he better be saying yes.

“We could make it a group thing if you’d like?” Arthur added quickly, albeit worriedly. “I think Gwen and Lance would have a good time as well.

Now this was starting to sound like a double date. Was Arthur Pendragon really asking him of all people out? Or was this some obscenely long and extravagant dream?

“Sure.” He was able to answer with. “Bowling with you and Gwen and Lance sounds like it will be a grand time.”

“That’s great!” The blond exclaimed on the other end before quickly clearing his throat. “I mean, great. I think it’ll be smashing. Would you be all right with picking me up? The car’s sort of acting up after someone, well…I think it’d be best I don’t go into detail.”

“I don’t mind picking you up.” Merlin answered. “Six sound like a good time?”

“Six sounds perfect.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”

“See you then.”

“Cheers, Arthur." 

“Cheers, Merlin.”

Merlin couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face as he hung up. Really, he was happy enough that he didn’t care in the slightest when Gwaine patted his back a little too hard or Percy hugging him too tightly in their own excitement over the occasion.

“Our little Merlin is finally getting himself a somewhat proper date! I couldn’t be more proud.” Gwaine exclaimed, wiping a fake tear from his eyes.

“This calls for celebratory drinks tonight.” Percy stated.

The warlock could only agree, feeling light as air at the prospect. He had a date with Arthur Pendragon, his Once and Future King.

Wait until the writers of legend hear about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the songs that Merlin heard were:
> 
> -"A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri  
> -"If You Only Knew" by Shinedown  
> -"Hung Up" by Madonna  
> -"The One that Got Away" by Katy Perry


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bowling night takes a turn for the worst...

From the moment he had gotten off the phone with Arthur the day before to pulling up in front of his place that night Merlin felt like a nervous wreck. The only other times he had felt this nervous was when he had Freya the first time and when he had told Arthur he had magick.

Well, okay, and when this Arthur was about to kiss him at the party.

It had still been a difficult feat getting dressed. It felt like he was making himself regress to the days of being a servant: a tunic and jacket with his neckerchief. Now he had his jeans to wear and the jacket looked more modern, and the neckerchief was a scarf. He couldn’t stop fiddling with it though in the car all the way over to the expensive house. Merlin offhandedly wondered if Gwen had felt like this back when she and Arthur finally had their chances of being together. Was she afraid of things getting messed up?

Merlin didn’t get out of the car right away when he shut off the ignition. He just stared up at the house, with its massive size that made him feel almost unwelcome, like he didn’t belong. Much like the castle of Camelot. He didn’t really think it a bad thing if this house wasn’t that inviting, it wasn’t like he planned to ever move into it. But it was also something he tried not to think of as a bad omen. He let out a heavy breath and got out, shutting the door behind him as he made his way up the sidewalk. When he got to the front door he raised his fist to knock, but froze when he heard angry voices on the other side.

“We’ve already had this discussion before and I told you I wouldn’t do it!”

“How am I to expect you to take over my business one day if you can’t even do this one simple task?”

“I am not going to run a business through treating my employees with such disrespect or fire them just because you don’t approve of who they are outside of the office!”

“This business has run off of tradition for the last seventy years, Arthur! You must learn that there is a difference between being a boss and a friend!”

“Why can’t I be both?”

“Because it shows you to be weak!”

“I’m not firing Geoffrey, father. You can do it yourself.”

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out with friends.”

“We’re not finished here!”

“Well I am!”

Merlin reeled back from the door quickly, feeling guilty for eavesdropping. It was almost scary how it felt like he was listening to Uther and Arthur back in their arguments over Camelot. He guessed it really shouldn’t have been that surprising Uther’s personality hadn’t changed in the slightest.

The door flew open as Arthur started stepping outside, only for him to freeze when he spotted Merlin only a few feet in front of him.

“Did you--?”

“Nope, just got here.” Merlin replied quickly with a shake of his head. “Shall we get going?”

“Please.” Arthur headed to the car in a hurry, radiating frustration and the need to be away from his father as soon as possible.

The warlock began to follow, though he was unable to stop himself from looking back. Which he regretted immediately. Uther Pendragon was standing in the doorway looking pristine as always. The crown and lavish clothing was replaced with a crisp suit and tie. What wasn’t changed was the cold steely expression, nor the way his eyes seemed to lock onto their target with such an intense gaze it felt like he was seeing right into the very depths of your soul. Merlin wanted to cover himself up since he was the very target of the gaze, and he was confident he knew exactly what the man was thinking.

It was nice to see that even now Uther could still loathe him entirely without even saying a single word.

Merlin picked up his steps to catch up with Arthur, unlocking the passenger door. “So are we picking up Gwen and Lance?”

“Lance said they’ll drive themselves there.” Arthur said a little clipped as he slipped into the car. Merlin was about to get in himself when he heard the sound of heels hurriedly clacking against pavement behind him.

“Oh Merlin! Wait for me!”

The raven-haired warlock prevented himself from freezing, his eyes still widening however before he turned around. “Morgan?”

“You’re such a sweetie, this is going to be so much fun.” She said brightly, her smile wide and surrounded by cherry red lipstick.

“Wait—You’re coming with us?”

“Of course, silly. As if I’d miss out on a chance of having a good time.” Morgan gave his cheek a kiss and got into the back.

Merlin stood there for a second letting his brain catch up to what confusingly just happened, rubbing off the lipstick that was on his cheek.

“Yes, this will be a great time.” He mumbled to himself. He sighed heavily and got into the car, already feeling like this night was taking a turn down the wrong street.

The car ride was awkward and not just because Morgan was with them. She was the only reason it wasn’t a silent ride, unfortunately it was her being shameless with her flirting and talking about her best friend Moira (At this point he could only assume that was Morgause but he didn’t see how you get one name from the other so he didn’t ask for photos to make sure). Arthur, on the other hand, hadn’t paid any mind. Merlin was pretty sure that the guy wasn’t mentally in the car. Arthur had been staring out the window in silence the whole time without saying a word or reacting to his sister. It was almost enough for Merlin to just turn around and cancel this bowling outing completely.

For some stupid reason, he didn’t.

Pulling up to the alley was a relief in itself. He found a free spot in near the entrance to park in between someone’s moped and a smart car. Again, Arthur stayed silent as he got out of the car, and Morgan was way too lingering with her hand on his shoulder before she got out too.

Merlin followed the siblings inside. It wasn’t hard to find Gwen and Lace, who were waving at them from where they had already gotten a space. He started to follow Morgan towards the counter to exchange his Converse for bowling shoes but was suddenly held back by a hand on his arm. He looked at Arthur with confusion to find the blond’s expression one of contrite.

“I just want to say I’m sorry.” Arthur said, his smile looking more like a grimace. “My father and I aren’t exactly in a good place right now and I know I made the ride here uncomfortable.”

Merlin was going to say it was really Morgan who made it uncomfortable but it wasn’t any use crying over spilt milk, right?

“Arthur, it’s all right.” He shook his head. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“But I do. I don’t want this to be a bad night.”

“Well then it’s a good thing it’s not.” Merlin assured with a smile. “If you really feel bad, you can pay for some chips that we can all snack on.”

Arthur matched his smile, seeming to relax. “That I can do.”

“Good, now let’s get to bowling. Unless you’re afraid I’ll beat your arse at it.”

“Those sound like fighting words, Merlin.”

“So you’re not dumb like blonds are accused of being. I like that.”

“Now you’re just asking to be hit.”

“What, going to make me choke on my words?” Merlin asked with a smirk.

“I’m going to enjoy doing that very thing.” Arthur nodded with eyes alight from the challenge.

“Then show me what you got.”

“I fully intend to.”

* * *

 

It turned out that Merlin wasn’t as amazing at bowling as he’d thought. 

Morgan was the one doing the worst, though he was sure it was only because she kept trying to get him up to help her. Arthur was doing his own decent job and Gwen was always pretty good at bowling. Now she was the one that succeeded in having help, no surprise, from Lance.

But between him and Lance, the former knight was the one winning with several strikes under his belt.

It was safe to say Merlin’s ego had been officially shot.

He had the feeling his defeat was clearly written across his face since everyone was laughing. Lance’s smile was kind (No fucking surprise) as he came over and rested a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t look so down, Merlin. You’re doing great. This is the first time I’ve had legitimate competition.”

“I can say the same to you.” Merlin muttered, but returned his smile. He’d missed Lancelot all these years. If only he still knew about the magick.

“You were right about kicking my arse at this.” Arthur said with reassurance, his blue eyes shining as if to say he was impressed.

Merlin was ashamed to say he felt his cheeks heat. He was equally ashamed to say he liked it. “Thanks.” He replied, ducking his head as his own smile grew.

“All right, all this losing’s making me hungrier.” The blond announced. He stood up and looked around at the others. “Anyone care to join me in replenishing our snacks?”

“I’ll go with you.” Gwen volunteered, handing Lance her ball. “It’s Lance’s turn anyways.”

Merlin watched the two former lovers walk off together and couldn’t help but feel an old jab of jealousy. They could still work so seamlessly together, even for something as simple as food. All he could do was trip over his own feet and blabber nervously. How was that fair?

As soon as there was a new, smaller, manicured hand resting on his shoulder in a way that could in no way be seen as casual he could feel his body tense up.

“She’s so Arthur’s type, I wouldn’t be surprised if they start something on the side.” Morgan whispered into his ear.

The sick feeling in his stomach grew just from that, the jealousy being fed at the same time as his disgust.

“Arthur wouldn’t do that.” Merlin said adamantly. “He’s too good of a guy to ever do that to a friend.”

Morgan’s laugh sent a familiar shiver down his spine, and he had to do everything he could not to crawl away as her fingers traced his jawline. “Oh Merlin, sweetie, you don’t know my brother as well as you think.” She drawled, the curl of her lips looking twisted and ugly. “But I’d never do that to someone I care about.”

Liar. She’s done that and much worse before.

He gave her a tight smile, hands clenching into fists in his lap. “I’m sure you wouldn’t.”

“I’m _very_ good to them.” She assured in a whisper. “I take good care of them, they’re never disappointed.”

“Good to know.” He answered, feeling sicker by the second. This was really who he had crushed on in the very beginning of living in Camelot?

“Morgan, it’s your turn.” Lance called over to them.

Her red lips formed a smile as she moved away, giving Merlin a wink. Morgan swayed her hips in her way too short skirt as she got her bowling ball and took her place to go.

Suddenly, Merlin’s anger and jealousy wasn’t just there, it was overpowering. Morgana was always what pushed his buttons once she’d gone dark, but this was worse than the shit she’d done back then. This version of her was able to make him feel sick in so many ways and all he wanted was for her to pay. He could distantly hear laughter as Arthur and Gwen were coming back and that seemed to fuel it further. The slip had been so quick that it wasn’t until after his eyes had glown gold and he could see the heavy ball drop from Morgan’s hands that he realized what he willingly did.

It was the loud crunch from its impact and Morgan’s piercing shriek that nailed it in.

Everything began to slow around him as the fire burned out inside him, replaced with the ice cold of fear and guilt. He watched in horror as Arthur and Gwen ran over to help Lance with checking out Morgan’s foot. He watched the inky black of her mascara filled tears ran down her cheeks, the pure pain that was etched into her face.

He used magick to hurt someone. Yes, it was Morgan, but he still did it. And he felt so wrong for doing it. Her flirting and lying didn’t even deserve it.

“Merlin!”

“Merlin, help us!”

“ _Merlin!!_ ”

The warlock snapped out of it, wide eyes looking up at his mates.

“I-I—“ It was crazy for him to think they knew he’d done it, but it didn’t stop his shame for the truth.

“We need to get her to hospital.” Arthur pressed. “Merlin, you need to drive.”

Merlin nodded numbly, he could do that, and it was the least he could after most likely breaking her foot. There wasn’t any time to worry about the shoes, Gwen said she’d take care of it and he had a pretty good idea no one would want this pair anymore. Lance and Arthur carried Morgan out of the bowling alley while the warlock raced past them to get to the car and unlock it, holding the door open for them. Morgan was letting out a lot of pained noises and the stained cheeks were worse, making her look as if she was melting in front of their eyes.

This time Arthur got into the back with her to make sure her foot didn’t get any worse. Merlin knew better than to feel disappointed about it at a time like this.

“We’ll meet you guys at the hospital.” Lance stated before he could get in the car. He nodded and gave a hurried smile before getting in.

The car was filled with Morgan’s whimpers and sniffles, always followed by Arthur’s whispered assurances to her that it was going to be okay. It made that heavy feeling in Merlin’s stomach get heavier.

There was no way he’d be able to make up for this.

Oh God, if Arthur knew, he’d hate him!

“Just up here.” Came the blond’s voice from behind him, and all he could do was nod and make the turn as soon as it was available.

Gwen and Lance weren’t behind them so Merlin had to park and help Arthur with getting Morgan out of the car. He let her put her weight against him without a complaint. They carried her inside to the emergency room, avoiding looking at all the people in there who looked like they were about to drop or were bleeding so badly.

A nurse brought them a wheelchair and handed Arthur a clipboard of paperwork he had to fill out, then told them they’d have to wait for an available doctor.

The three of them ended up in the far corner near a woman who couldn’t stop holding her side in such a way that Merlin could only guess it meant broken bones or appendicitis. Morgan was silent, too focused on trying to block out the pain by getting rid of the mascara-tear stains and fix her make up. Arthur was also silent while he filled out his clipboard of papers, which left Merlin to simmer in his shame.

They’d been waiting for about fifteen minutes when Gwen and Lance showed up, both worriedly looking over Morgan just as a nurse finally came out to announce that Morgan was ready to be seen. Everyone hurried with Arthur wheeling Morgan after the nurse.

Except for Merlin.

The warlock held back, unable to keep going with them. He had no right to, and he felt like even if he could it would just result in him throwing up with his guilt.

Gwen seemed to be the one to notice he wasn’t with them, for she left Lance’s side when she looked back at him and quickly walked over.

“Are you all right?” She asked worriedly.

“I, uh…” Merlin cleared his throat and shook his head. “No, no I’m not.”

“You don’t have to stay if you can’t handle this, Merlin, I don’t think Arthur would blame you.” Gwen said gently, rubbing his arm.

“I can’t just leave them here, I’m their ride.”

“Lance and I can take them home.”

Merlin nodded slowly, his eyes flickering up where the others had disappeared down the hallway. “You’ll tell them sorry for me?”

“Of course.” She nodded.

They pulled each other in for a hug before Merlin turned and walked out of the hospital. Merlin forced himself to not look by as he got in the car and drove off. Maybe this was a sign that he should leave Arthur alone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin goes to see an old friend while avoiding Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not getting this up sooner, school's been busy. But finals are almost over so during break I will be able to pick back up on writing this. Enjoy.

Since leaving Arthur and the others at the Emergency Room, Merlin had been avoiding the Once and Future King of Camelot. 

He felt guilty. Why wouldn’t he, he had let himself use magick to harm someone. Sure, it was Morgana, but this wasn’t the same sorceress who had taken so much from him. This was a different one. Still a bitch, a lot more provocative, but still. Merlin had no right to let his anger control his actions like that.  

Merlin hated not talking or seeing Arthur again but it felt like the best choice in the moment. Obviously he wasn’t ready to be there for him again.

Instead, he woke up that morning with one person in mind that he needed to see. The only person who knew apart from him and seemingly Arthur about their pasts. The only person who he could call and ask to meet him at the pub without being judged and who would be able to understand everything that he needed to get out.

Freya.

* * *

  _They’d found each other randomly; neither had been looking for the other._

_It had been maybe a year after Merlin first found Gwaine, Gwen, and Percy. His hope of the prophecy coming true was brightly rekindled and it felt like everywhere Merlin was turning held someone with a resemblance to the former King. But that hope was also swirled with the pain of his long isolation up to this point, and the warlock felt like it was all getting ready to boil over if he didn’t find a way to get it all out soon._

_Perhaps that had been why at the time he was willing to go out to the pub one night with his co-worker and boyfriend. It seemed harmless and frankly Merlin had reached the point where he was in actual desperate need of ale. Lots and lots of ale._

_And like the foolish desperate man he was at the time, Merlin kept downing each pint Gwaine gave him without a thought about it. The more he drank the number he felt. Finally it seemed like he found the magical cure to everything he was holding in. The numb feeling didn’t last that long, however, and after his ninth pint it hit him even worse. He could feel it coming, and while part of him wanted to believe it was just him getting ready to vomit up some of his massive alcohol count the rest of him knew it was that Word Vomit they talked about in that one Lindsay Lohan movie which meant he wouldn’t be able to hold his secrets in anymore._

_Somehow, when Freya appeared it was like a guardian angel coming in to save the day._

_Comforting hands had wrapped around his arms securely and led him with pre-determined swiftness through the crowded pub to the alley. It turned out some of that Word Vomit really was vomit._

_Merlin had stayed doubled over for several minutes as he threw up what felt like his insides before he could straighten up._

_“Careful, Merlin, you might unsettle yourself again. Looks like I was able to help you once again.”_

_Seeing Freya’s face and hearing her voice for the first time in a thousand years was one of the most beautiful moments in his long life. She still looked so young and innocent, but he could tell that wasn’t exactly her way of life now. Freya’s brunette hair was now joined with streaks of colors varying from green to purple while instead of a tattered red dress she wore tight black jeans and a Queen t-shirt with the shoulders cut off._

_“Why I do believe you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She spoke out with amusement, her smile one to match it even though there was a trace of worry in her eyes._

_“Sorry, one would think I’m used to this sort of surprise by now.” Merlin mumbled, still looking her over as if he was waiting for her to disappear just like a ghost would._

_“It’s good to see you again, Merlin.” Freya voiced softly._

_His immediate reaction was a nod in agreement, “It’s definitely good to see you too—Wait, did you just call me by my name? And say you missed me?”_

_“Yes, those two things are exactly what I said.” The girl rolled her eyes half-heartedly, crossing her arms loosely._

_“But that’s impossible.” Merlin shook his head. “You can’t—The others don’t—“_

_“I’m not like the others.” She said simply._

_What more was there to say? She was right about not being like the others. Merlin couldn’t argue with it, and really, he didn’t find any part of him wanting to._

_That night had been the beginning of a dam breaking down for the warlock. He finally had someone he could talk to about his solitary life and the pain and guilt he carried. At first Freya would listen. After a time, she began to give him advice or beat him to the punch by knowing exactly what he needed before he even knew what it was for himself. After that it was easy for him to fall back into the memories of first love._

_It never became a relationship for them again; at least not in the way he wanted one with Arthur Pendragon. They still harbored ghosts of those feelings, it was how all first loves held them. But they kept it casual. After all, it was modern times. He and Freya would seek each other out for comfort whether it was to talk or fill a void temporarily with sex. Friends with benefits, as Merlin recalled it being named by teens now.  And for a while that worked for him. It worked for the both of them. It was a way for him to have what he couldn’t for so long. It felt nice to finally have someone with him in bed and not feel lonely._

_Merlin had never told the others about it, wanting it to be a valuable secret kept between just him and the Lady of the Lake._

_Eventually, after half a year of this arrangement, they both came to the same conclusion that it wasn’t needed anymore. Freya knew before he had, like always, but it was the fact that it was so easy for them to end the sex and just stick to the normal friend stuff that made Merlin feel lucky to have her._

_It proved just how good it was to have someone who knew the truth about him and all their lives._

* * *

 

Upon entering the nearly deserted pub Merlin was greeted with a nice tall pint waiting for him at the table Freya grabbed.

“I can tell by the fact you called this an emergency that it isn’t about the former Queen or the knights.” She stated as she watched the raven-haired sorcerer take a seat and down half the pint of ale.

Merlin set the glass down with a sharp thud. He used the back of his arm to wipe is mouth before speaking. “Arthur.”

Freya was silent with her lips pursed slightly as she processed the news. Merlin could practically see the gears working in her head as she evaluated him. He knew she was done by the way she crossed her legs and ran her finger along the rim of her glass.

“So either you fucked something up or you ran like a chicken with its head cut off in without a clue what to do about him showing up.”

“Gee, thank you for that deduction, Freya. I can tell you have the upmost confidence in me.”

“You’re the one who looks ready to pass out, Merlin.”

“Fine.” Merlin huffed. “But first of all I didn’t run off in a panic just from finally seeing him.”

“Then what did you run away in a panic from?” She returned.

“I didn’t run away in a panic necessarily.” He took another drink from his glass to get a small sense of calm before he could tell her. Still, it came out in a rush regardless as soon as he took his breath. “I went out bowling with him last night and ended up using magick to crush Morgana’s—Well technically Morgan’s now—foot with a bowling ball.”

“A bowling ball?” His friend asked, her lips pressed in a thin line as she looked to be holding back a giggle or two.

“Yes a bowling ball!” He hissed.

Freya was losing the battle and ended up letting out a stream of giggly laughter. “You have to admit that’s pretty hilarious.” She said when she could breathe again.

“Any other time I might have felt the same way you do about this situation.” Merlin replied flatly.

“All right, did anyone see you make it happen?”

“Well, no…”

“And was Arthur mad at you or accusing you of doing it?”

“No, but—“

“I don’t see the problem here, Merlin.”

“The problem is I let myself act out with my anger!” He said with a groan of frustration, dropping his head against the table.

Gentle fingers stroked through his hair, and he could tell without looking that Freya was smiling.

“Merlin, even the great Emrys is bound to have a slip up. You haven’t seen Arthur or Morgana for centuries. Old feelings were destined to mix.”

Merlin didn’t want to be comforted by the logic, but that’s exactly why he came to Freya. Without Gaius around to do this kind of thing for him, she was the next best thing. The warlock sighed heavily before lifting his head and sitting up.

“So you’re saying that the only thing I should be doing is apologize for ditching him at the hospital?” he asked.

“Well that would be a good start, yes.” Freya nodded. “But I would also suggest not beating yourself up over this so badly.”

“I always beat myself up like this when I fuck up.” Merlin pointed out.

“There’s always time to stop.” She countered.

“Fine.” He sighed and then ran a hand down his face. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do around him anymore. And…I think that he likes me.”

“Merlin, he’s supposed to like you.”

“I don’t mean like that, I mean….”

“Ohhh.” She nodded slowly in understanding. “That’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?”

“Of course it is, I just…It’s a little weird actually having him appear to feel anything like that for me. I’m not used to it.”

“Then get used to it and suck it up. This is working in your favor so don’t mess it up.”

“Easier said then done.” Merlin muttered. He checked his phone for the time only to curse under his breath when he remembered what he was supposed to be doing today. “I’ve got to get to work, otherwise Gwaine will make sure I don’t live down his disappointment in me being late again.”

“Have fun with your world of Goth and eyeliner.” Freya bid with a little smirk.

“I will.” The warlock sniffed. The two of them shared a kind smile and then he was off. He meant it when he said Gwaine wasn’t going to let him live it down, and Merlin really wasn’t in the mood to have his ear talked off this time.

* * *

 

By the time Merlin got to Hot Topic, he had managed to get into a better mindset. Freya always managed to help him with that. Even if there are times like earlier when he wanted to hold it off. It was at the top of his list to call Arthur after his shift to apologize…and find out how much damage he had really done to Morgan’s foot.

Gwaine seemed to be in one of his cheerier moods while charging a customer. When he saw Merlin his smile changed to one he knew to well. Merlin had to hold in a groan as he joined his friend on the other side of the counter.

“I’m guessing Gwen told you?”

“She did, when it should have been you.” His friend said simply, giving a farewell wave to the leaving customer.

“When was I supposed to tell you? Right when it happened, or when I was on the car driving over here?”

“How about when you were avoiding blondie’s calls?” Gwaine supplied in answer.

“How did you know about that part?” Merlin countered with furrowed brows.

“Arthur showed up earlier looking for you.” He answered as he pulled himself up onto the counter for a seat.

Merlin should have figured that Arthur would have come around to find him. Another thing to apologize for, he guessed. “He came by just because I haven’t been answering?”

Gwaine shook his head, picking up a Starbucks to-go cup to drink from. “Well he came around for that and to tell you that Morgan’s at home with a crushed foot that will heal in about six to eight weeks.”

“That’s great…” Merlin was relieved that it wasn’t a permanent injury, but at the same time he still felt a little guilty that it was his fault. Even if he and Freya are the only ones who know that part.

The sorcerer could feel Gwaine’s eyes on him while he helped a couple with their purchases. The look on his friend’s face was screaming that there was more that wasn’t being said, but Merlin didn’t ask any questions until he was finished getting out My Chemical Romance t-shirts and charging the pair.

“Spill it, Gwaine, you look like you’re going to burst if you hold the information in any longer.” He said as he got out change and passed it out along with the purchase’s receipt.

“Maybe this is just my ‘I need to take a piss’ face.” Gwaine argued.

“No it’s not, and you can’t even try that on me since I know you.” He replied, giving the former knight a look.

Gwaine huffed but didn’t need to be given any further permission to spill the beans.

“There was another reason lover boy stopped by for you.”

Merlin raised his brows; he had a feeling that’s what this was still about. “And? What was it?”

The other brunet took his time sharing the information, which was starting to make Merlin get tempted to have another magick slip up. “He said he wants you to come to his birthday party tomorrow night.”

“His birthday?” The surprise wasn’t over the fact he was invited, he already had the feeling that Arthur would be inviting him to a lot of things from now on. It was more over the fact that the King was having a birthday so soon when they just found each other.

“Yes, his birthday.” Gwaine said, giving Merlin an odd look. “You know, it’s that special date that comes every year to signify that you’re getting older.”

Merlin elbowed him for that one. “It’s just something I didn’t expect right now.” He said defensively.

“Oh I could tell.” His friend snorted. “Just make sure to drink a lot for me, yeah?”

“I’m not making that promise.” The warlock shook his head.

“Oh come on! You can’t waste birthday shots!”

“I can and I will, Gwaine.”

“You’re no fun again.”

“I can be fun, I just don’t do it the way you do.” Merlin protested. “Now shut up so I can think up some present ideas.”

“Merlin, this is me you’re talking to.” Gwaine said slowly.

“You’re right, what was I thinking, it’s impossible for you to stop listening to the sound of your own voice.” He replied, getting the finger from his friend but he knew it was all in good sport.

What are you supposed to get the reincarnation of your King for his birthday? Merlin has no idea what this guy really likes except soccer, lakes, and now bowling. At least he could have given the old Arthur a new sword or something.

Merlin spent a good thirty minutes of his shift trying to figure out the answer as he worked. An idea finally came to him while he was unloading a box of The Hobbit merchandise that included old looking notebooks.

He knew exactly what he could give Arthur.

He could give Arthur their story.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin arrives for Arthur's birthday...It doesn't go as he thought it would at all.

Merlin had come to miss the lavish birthday parties Uther held in the castle. They were always loud and jolly and festive, everyone had a good time. 

While Merlin didn’t particularly hold favoritism towards the tournaments that came with it (He preferred jousts all the way, less possibility of death unless you had someone trying to use magick, the which he was always there to save the day), Merlin could always enjoy the happiness that exuded from Arthur every time they came around. There was always a place for him to be in attendance.

Now, standing in front of Arthur’s residence once again, he didn’t know if he belonged this time.

 Yes, Arthur had invited him. But that didn’t stop the feeling like all he’s been doing is intruding. The prophecy had never actually said that they’d be working together again, just that Arthur would rise once more. So maybe he was doing more harm than good by interfering with the life he had going on.

He was ready to turn around and walk back to the car when Freya’s words from earlier came back. This was his chance to have what he wanted back then. So instead of fucking it up, he’d suck it up.

Merlin gave himself a quick once over and straightened out his back with a new wave of confidence. He tucked Arthur’s present under his arm and walked briskly up to the front door where he knocked.

It was about when Arthur opened the door in a nice suit that it struck him something wasn’t right. As he stood there blinking in surprise, Merlin realized that the other thing that wasn’t right was the fact that there wasn’t loud music like the party from a few days ago. As a matter of fact, there hadn’t been a mass of drunk people or crowding cars.

“I’m sorry, did Gwaine mix up the dates?” Merlin asked confusedly with an embarrassed look.

Arthur looked sheepish then, a guilty smile forming as he pulled Merlin inside and shut the door.

“About that.” The blond started. “I lied.”

“You lied.”

“Yes.” He nodded.

“Okay…” Merlin said slowly, his confusion only growing. “Why would you lie about having a birthday party?

“I didn’t lie about it being my birthday. Just the party.”

“Again, why?”

“Because I didn’t think you’d come if I had said the truth.”

“Oh my gods, Arthur, just tell me what’s going on!” Merlin groaned.

“Well I—Did you just day ‘gods’?”

“Arthur!”

“Right, sorry.” Arthur replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “Tonight’s not a birthday party. It’s a birthday dinner.”

Merlin stared at the blond, still waiting for the reason that this was all worth going through a party charade.

Arthur grimaced and let out a sigh. “Morgan’s with a friend so it’s just me and my father.”

Ah. So that’s the reason.

“You tricked me into having dinner with your father just so you could have a buffer?” Merlin asked, astounded that the former King still had such an intensely strained relationship when it came to his father. But considering what he heard last before bowling it wasn’t that big of a surprise.

“I did, and I’m sorry.” Arthur replied.

Merlin nodded slowly before trying to get past Arthur for the door. “Cheers.”

“Merlin, wait!” The blond refused to move out of the way, skillfully blocking each attempt the sorcerer gave to get through.

“Your father is a vicious man that I do not want to be cowering under.” Merlin stated. He wasn’t willingly being in that man’s presence ever again.

“You haven’t even met him!”

Okay, that was a fair technical point in this time. Merlin huffed and stopped his escape attempts, hating that he knew where this was already heading. “Well I overheard all I needed to last night to assume this opinion.” He said carefully.

“Look, yes, my father is difficult, I can’t deny that’s why I want you here.” The former King said. It pained Merlin to see that Arthur really did look guilty for it. “But it’s also because all I could think about lately was being with you and that’s really all I want for my birthday right now.”

Merlin’s mouth was parted in shock at the end as he looked on at his former King in surprise. Arthur had never said he wanted Merlin ever. Or at least not to his face. Not even when they’d admitted their closeness and friendship.

 Hearing it right then was like a wave hitting the shore and pulling him out to sea. It sent a sudden and sharp bolt of heat through him that made his heart pick up its beats and his fingertips tingled.

“You’re saying I’m your birthday wish?” Merlin asked as he started to grin. “Out of anything else you could possibly think of?”

“Yes, you’re the special birthday wish, Merlin.” He replied exasperatedly, rolling his eyes. “I do hope you won’t let it go too far to your head.”

Merlin’s grin only grew wider at that; he missed Arthur reacting that way. “I think that when you put it that way I would be an arse to say no.”

“Really?” Arthur asked hopefully.

“No I was just saying that to make you move out of the way.” The brunet replied before rolling his own eyes. “Yes, clotpole, I mean it.”

At first Arthur grinned when he realized Merlin was being sarcastic, but then he frowned and furrowed his brows. “What’s a clotpole?”

“Nothing, just something I say, no idea where it came from.” He waved his hand in dismissal. “Now where’s this dinner?”

“This way.” Arthur responded, gesturing to Merlin’s right before leading the way.

Merlin had forgotten how big the house was from the inside. Now that there wasn’t a crowd of people inside it made it feel like he really was back in the castle, there was so much space. He could even hear their footsteps make a slight echo around them.

When they reached the dining room, a massive wave of déjà vu hit. The room was as white as the rest of the house, but it was the table that did it for him. Long darkened wood with embellishments engraved intricately around the rim and matching lavish chairs, it was like Arthur’s father had taken it right from the castle and placed it in this room.

The only thing that was different in the warlock’s eyes was the fact there was silverware.

“I hope you like chicken.” Arthur voiced as he moved around to make sure the food was in the right place. “And salad. You don’t have to have any if you don’t want to, of course.” 

“Chicken and salad is fine, Arthur.” Merlin assured, taking hesitant steps further into the room, pausing behind one of the chairs with table settings.

“I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t be all right with chicken.” A cold voice spoke out from behind them. “Vegetarians obviously don’t respect the laws of nature if they cannot get over the necessary action of killing animals for our survival.”

“Father, you’re here, great.” Arthur said hurriedly as he made his way around the table.

Merlin was slower to face the man who was once Uther Pendragon. There was already a cold feeling running through him that made his veins feel like ice. It was weird yet expected that he still felt fear looking at the face of the long dead executor of magick. Merlin was technically older than the man standing in front of him.

The former Uther still looked as harsh and intense as he had in his lavish clothing from before. The dark grey business suit and coal black tie made it even more intimidating than the tunics and leather ever did. Grey hair stuck thinly to the man’s head and accentuated the frown lines that appeared to be carved into his face.

“Who’s this?” He asked as if Arthur hadn’t spoken before.

“This is Merlin.” Arthur answered, shifting a little closer to the brunet.  “Merlin, this is my father.”

There was no missing the judgment in the man’s eyes. The grey was like the steel blade of a sword, cold and ready to cut him apart.

“Ulric.” He said, holding his hand out. Merlin took it only after a second of standing still in fear. The man’s grip was as tight as a snake’s, he was sure his hand would break if it were held any tighter. “Pleasure to make your acquaintance…Merlin.”

“You too, sir.” Merlin returned, clearing his throat to hide the catch in his voice.

Uther—Ulric let go of his hand after a little longer of shaking it, and then moved to take the seat at the head of the table. “Well let’s eat, then, before the dinner gets cold.” 

The two boys scurried into their seat, Merlin setting Arthur’s gift in the empty seat beside him when he sat down.

Dinner was silent at first. Not just a normal silence. It was the awkward kind that happens when everyone’s tense and has no idea what the hell to say. Merlin was waiting for a needle to drop or something, anything that would make the moment easier.

The sorcerer could tell that Arthur was waiting for someone to speak as well. Most likely his father. Merlin could feel Ulric watching him every few minutes. He could already tell this wasn’t going to be an easy birthday dinner.

He was even starting to wish that Morgan were there.

“So, Merlin, what is it you do?” Was the first question that suddenly broke the silence. Merlin looked up from his plate, feeling a nervousness he could recall from when he’d be under Uther’s relentless gaze.

“Father, I don’t think—“

“I am simply asking your… _friend_ a question, Arthur.” Ulric interrupted, his eyes solely on the sorcerer.

“I, um, work at Hot Topic in the mall.” Merlin replied. He wasn’t ashamed of working in such a place, after all he’d spent his time in Camelot being a manservant so it felt like a step up.

Unfortunately Ulric certainly didn’t think anything like that from the hint of disgust that was behind his tight smile.

“And your parents support you with that endeavor?” The man continued. “Working at such a…lesser job and wearing make up?”

“Father!” Arthur hissed, looking at his father with a glare disguised as shock before he looked towards Merlin apologetically.

“I see it as a valid question.” Ulrich’s voice held no room for argument from his son. “When a child throws their life away it is our duty as parents to question what went wrong.”

Arthur’s eyes narrowed at his father, and Merlin got the feeling this wasn’t just about his own life choices. “And what exactly counts as throwing one’s life away?”

“I don’t know what they would say.” Merlin cut in, he didn’t want to be around for the battle that was obviously coming. The father and son returned their gazes to the warlock. “Their dead.”

Arthur’s face immediately filled with sympathy, understanding that all so well. “Merlin…I’m sorry.”

“They’ve been gone for a while, so…” Merlin shrugged slightly. It was true, at the least. He missed them all the same. He’d love to see them again one day.

“Well then, that explains it.” Ulric commented, as if it were the simplest of things.

 It was that right there that actually made Merlin feel insulted. It seemed to make Arthur feel something too since the blond stared at the older man like he was a heartless stranger. 

“I suppose not everyone can be lucky enough to have a father like you, can they?” He asked humorlessly as he stood up from the table.

“Arthur, sit down.”

“I’m not hungry anymore.” Arthur made his way out of the room. “Come on, Merlin.”

Even though the sorcerer wanted to, he didn’t move right away. This dinner went downhill so quickly that he needed a second to catch up. When he did start getting up a forceful hand grabbing his arm quickly stopped him.

“Merlin, I think it would be best if you leave.” Ulrich announced, his voice somehow colder than it had already been.

The sorcerer should have seen that coming. Uther may have been the reason he was so close with Arthur before, but the man had tried to kill him as a wraith and now it was clearly no surprise.

But this time this man couldn’t force him to do anything.

“You may think so, sir, but I don’t believe that’s what Arthur wants.” Merlin replied.

“Arthur is still a boy, he doesn’t know what he wants.” Ulric spat.

“More like what he wants isn’t close to the same things as what you do.”

“What will make you learn that this is the wisest decision?”

“Excuse me?” Merlin said, giving the older man an odd look.

“What will it take for you to stay away from my son?” Ulric clarified. “How much do you want?”

Okay, now that floored Merlin. He couldn’t be serious, could he?

“You’re trying to bribe me into leaving Arthur alone?” Merlin asked slowly.

“Everyone has a price, Merlin. You clearly must have one.”

Merlin laughed humorlessly before he shook his head, yanking his arm out of the man’s grasp as he picked up his almost forgotten gift. “There is nothing you could give me that’d make me stay away from him.” He stated, promptly turning on his heels and walking away.

As he came into the foyer, Arthur stood up from the bottom steps of the staircase. “Merlin, I am so sorry for what he said.”

“It may surprise you, but I have heard much worse.” He replied warily. Merlin held up the wrapped present in his hand. “This is for you.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Arthur shook his head but took the present.

“I know.”

The blond flashed a small smile as he tore the wrapping. The smile stayed when a leather-bound book was revealed, gold engraved writing entitling it _The Arthurian Legends_ staring up at him.

“I know it’s sort of a random gift, but I thought that maybe you’d be interested in them.” Merlin explained, suddenly feeling sheepish about the gift. “If you don’t like it I can return it and get you some soccer stuff instead.”

“No I like it.” Arthur assured. “People tend to ask if this is what I’m named after and I admit I never paid attention to them before.”

“I can find myself relating to them.” Merlin said with a sly smile. “Maybe you will, too.”

“Maybe I will.” Arthur mused with a slight nod, his smile still genuine. “This truly does mean a lot, Merlin.”

“It’s a book, Arthur, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is for me.” 

“Well then I’m glad you—“

Merlin’s words were cut off when there was a pair of lips pressing against his. He was floored with the fact that right now he was _being kissed_ by the very King he had wished for this to happen with. He could practically hear Freya in his head being smug about how right she was. As much as he wanted to be excited about this moment (and believe him he was already kissing back so that should have been the next step) the surprise along with what Ulric had just done in the dining room was just too much for him.

Merlin pulled away when he regained control of his body, much to his own disappointment and the obviously mutual feeling coming from Arthur.

“I need to go.” The brunet mumbled, hand numbly reaching for the door and pulling it open.

“Merlin, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—“ Arthur started to apologize but he quickly cut the man boy off.

“It’s okay, I just—Need to be somewhere.” He said hurriedly as he walked out of the house.

“Merlin!”

The sorcerer heard his King call after him but he continued walking to his car. It was like he couldn’t connect with reality anymore and the only rational thing he could think of was leaving. If he didn’t, he was afraid he’d wake up from some beautiful dream.

But as he drove away and it all hit him to the point that he felt like he couldn’t breathe, that’s when it hurt to realize that driving away from his life long wish was the worst decision he made.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not going to lose me.” Arthur promised. 
> 
> But I already have.
> 
> And just like that Merlin realized he couldn’t do this.

So it might have taken Merlin more time than it should have to come up with how to fix this.

Okay, yes, a simple “I’m sorry for running off Arthur” probably would have done the trick, but his brain didn’t do well in panic mode!

It finally happened. Arthur _finally_ kissed him and it wasn’t from some enchantment.

…And he just ran out of there like he had kissed some troll.

In his defense though, Ulric/Uther had just tried to pay him to stay away from Arthur. And he’s been feeling guilty with not coming out with the truth about whom they really are.

Which means that a simple fix would be he apologizes, comes out with the fact he’s been in love with Arthur for as long as he can remember, and then tell the guy that he’s the reincarnated King of Camelot.

Yeah, totally doesn’t sound like something an insane person would say.

Sheesh, was he really such a chicken?

He’s battled dragons, Morgana and Mordred turning evil, trolls, wraiths, he should be able to finally come clean about his feelings and the past!

If only it didn’t take him three days of hiding out in his apartment and avoiding all calls/texts from Arthur for him to come to this conclusion rationally.

So he probably should have seen it coming when he woke up on day four to the sound of someone banging on his door. He also probably should have seen it coming that the person doing it was Arthur way before he had gotten up to answer.

Merlin couldn’t help but point out mentally that Arthur’s anger made him look gorgeous.

“How did you--?”

Arthur stormed into the apartment, his fury practically igniting the space around him. “Have I done something wrong, Merlin?” he demanded.

It took a second longer than it should have for Merlin to understand the question, but it hurt to see the blond so upset. “You—I’m sorry, what?”

“Have I done something wrong?” He repeated. “Did I mix signals? Say the something I shouldn’t have?”

Merlin couldn’t seem to get his mouth to form words, which was _really_ not helpful at the moment. The only thing the warlock was able to manage doing was shake his head.

“Then explain to me why I had to get your address from Gwen just to be able to finally see you because you wouldn’t answer my calls or texts?” Arthur continued, looking like one of those big-eyed puppies when they’re not given affection.

It was in that moment that Merlin realized something that he’d only been recently scratching the surface of: He wasn’t the only one who’s been in pain.

Yes, he was the one who’s lived for a thousand years with the pain from their _old_ lives. But the others held pain from _this_ life.

Gwen still dealt with the pain of watching her father grow ill and the problems that Elyan’s impulses bring along. Gwaine still used partying and drinking to escape his problems and Percy was there to make sure he didn’t fall too far into the hole. Even Morgan still had problems and Arthur….

Arthur still faced the crushing hand of Ulric.

And now Merlin had caused him even more pain all because he was afraid to face his feelings for Arthur at the sight of them being reciprocated.

Wow he was fucked up.

“You haven’t done _anything_ wrong, Arthur.” Merlin promised.

“So, what? ‘It’s not you, it’s me’?"

“Arthur—“”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. Do you realize how that feels? I’ve never been this way about anyone before, and now you’re the only thing on my mind.”

“If you just let me—“

“I thought we connected.” Arthur rambled on with no ability to stop himself. It was like a pipe bursting after too much pressure had built up. “Call me a girl, but I thought we had _moments!_ I-I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, I know how foolish that sounds, but it’s true! So just _tell me_ if I’m wrong and if I should—“

Mouths connecting with each other were the next thing to register for Merlin. He didn’t plan on shutting him up that way, but regret was all too familiar. The warlock refused to even regret this kiss, they both wanted it and it was far too long of making mistakes to let this slip through his fingers.

The body connected to the other pair of lips had tensed with the unexpected gesture. Merlin didn’t blame Arthur, not really, it just happened after he’d expected to be completely rejected.

Merlin was ready to pull away when it felt like there wasn’t going to be the desired reciprocation, but then there were strong arms wrapping around his waist and the other lips were moving and it was suddenly like the heavens opened up.

If he had known kissing Arthur would feel this fantastic then he would have gotten the balls to do it as soon as Uther was dead.

The dramatics of that thought were more than necessary and Merlin was in no way changing it.

Merlin’s heard all the stories and movies where the girl always describes the First Kiss as this magical spark of a moment that told them this was meant to be.

Well he wasn’t calling himself a girl, but he more than understood what they were all talking about.

Seriously, he could see why so many princesses and maidens were swooning back then even when Arthur was an arrogant prick. The guy was a great kisser, and Merlin was proud to say he was an excellent one himself. It was like all his dreams, wet and normal, were clashing in this one rapidly increasing kiss of passion.

It was getting harder to breathe but Merlin and Arthur both were refusing to stop it yet. They were holding on tightly and pressed against each other and man his head was getting dizzy but Merlin merely congratulated himself for finally getting over himself enough to do this.

They finally parted when they were a synchronized breathless mess. They still held on to one another as they panted, their lungs expanding with each quick breath they took. In between their breaths they still shared more kisses, these ones chaste and lingering.

Merlin couldn’t help but have an absent fleeting thought that Gwen had been a lucky girl to have gotten this back in Camelot. The thought was followed by a stab of jealousy but then quickly disappeared as he pushed it into the back of his mind.

“The moments were moments like you thought.” Merlin promised when he could form a coherent sentence and not have any trouble breathing.

“I can say that I am more than relieved.” Arthur laughed a little. “That was a much better turn out than I was expecting on the way over.”

“I’m sorry for shutting you out.” He replied in a quieter tone.

“With what just happened it shouldn’t be a problem to forgive you, Merlin.” The blond assured.

“No, you don’t understand.” Merlin shook his head.

“I know my father tried to pay you.” He went on. “I want you to know that I’m absolutely pissed at him, I’m so sorry for how he treated you.”

 “It wasn’t about your father, Arthur. Avoiding you was just…I’m not good in these situations. The last times I’ve felt this way, I lost them.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Arthur promised.

_But I already have._

The event that stemmed all the hesitation and fear.

And just like that Merlin realized he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t have some kind of happy relationship with Arthur unless it was all in the open. It’d be all too easy to slip up and say something about their life that would get him a look of absurdity.  No, he needed to do tell Arthur everything and do it before they get the chance of a well deserved happily ever after.

Merlin dropped his arms from around his former King and took a step back, much to his own dismay. The frown on the blond’s face was enough to say the feeling was mutual but he wasn’t letting himself change his mind just from that. The old reflex came back that wanted to protect Arthur from the truth, but this time Merlin knew he needed to be selfish. All his life was spent putting everyone else ahead of him.

Not anymore.

“The thing is, Arthur, you…” Merlin shook his head, taking a breath as he changed his mind and said it differently. “I’ve already lost you.”

“What are you talking about?” Arthur asked, his brows pinching together in confusion.

“You can’t make a promise like that when I’ve already had to lose you.” Merlin explained a little more, a lump ready to lodge itself into his throat.

Arthur gave him an odd look that quickly melted into worry. “Are you all right?” He asked, taking a step forward only to have Merlin counter it with a new step back. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about. How could I have already left you?”

“Look, I know you’re going to think that I’m making this up but please just give me the benefit of the doubt because I need you to understand.”

“Merlin you’re starting to worry me.”

“Yeah well you’ve been the one who used to worry me all the time.” Merlin replied as he started to pace.

“Do you hear yourself? You’re not making any sense.” Arthur said slowly, starting to look distressed by the bewildering direction this whole thing was going.

“The only reason I’m not making any sense is because you don’t remember anything.” Merlin countered impatiently. “You and I have known each other long before we met in the park. But back then you were The Prince Arthur Pendragon of Camelot while I was Merlin the manservant. But I was always more than that. I’m a bloody warlock, Arthur! And while you didn’t know it then, I dedicated my life to protecting you and making sure Camelot and Avalon would be what it was destined to be. But then Morgan—Morgana killed you and I couldn’t stop it and I am _so sorry_ I couldn’t. I have had to spend all these centuries harboring the guilt over it.”

Arthur’s face was one of astonishment. Unfortunately not the good kind, but Merlin had already expected that. “Are you trying to say that we’re the Arthur and Merlin from the book of Legends you gave me?” He asked slowly.

“That’s exactly what I am saying.” The warlock nodded before he continued. “And Morgan is the very Morgana that killed you, and your father was King Uther, and Gwen was Lady Guinevere while Percy and Gwaine had been two of the Knights of the Round Table who had served you valiantly. You The Once and Future King.  _My_ Once and Future King.

“Arthur, I have wished every day that I could go back and save you, I should have been able to stop it. I lost you and you didn’t even know how much I’ve _loved_ you. I bit my tongue every single day and had to watch you and Guinevere or whichever princesses were trying to woo you. But now I’m tired of holding it in. I’m tired of pretending and hiding our pasts from everyone and I am tired of staying so guilty all the time when there’s been nothing I could have done.

“It would have been so easy to go on and have the relationship I’ve always wanted with you in this life and pretend Camelot wasn’t ever in our history. I can’t do it anymore, though. I can’t be with you until you know everything.”

It was silent. Merlin stood there under Arthur’s stoic, penetrating gaze, waiting it out.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Arthur asked.

“It’s not a joke.” Merlin swore. “I wouldn’t joke about this. About us.”

“Was is a bet?” He tried. “See what kind of trick or lie you could pull? Or are you not taking any medication?”

“I told you that I’m not crazy.” The warlock replied. “I know how it sounds.”

“No, I really don’t think you do.”

“I’m telling the truth, Arthur. And I know that you don’t want to believe it, no one in his or her right mind would, but you know that I’m not lying. There’s a part of you that knows I’m telling you the truth, it’s the same part that’s had those dreams and had been thinking about me and these moments between us. It’s that part of you that’s screamed at you that we’ve known each other longer than you think.”

Merlin knew that this would be difficult. Who fucking wouldn’t know that? But what he didn’t expect was for one single look to break his heart right then.

That look? It was the very one Arthur had given him the night before he led the knights out to battle Morgana and Mordred. The look when Merlin said he couldn’t go with him because of his lost Magick. The look that he'd also given when Merlin finally confessed to him about having Magick.

“I’ve been honest with you about what I’ve been feeling.” Arthur said in a brittle-thin voice, his eyes taking on a shine. “If you wanted me to leave you alone, you didn’t have to throw me threw so many hoops and lies, Merlin. I thought you were different.”

Merlin watched as Arthur walked to the door and pulled it open, his own feet unable to move after him.

“Arthur, you know that this isn’t some big fake story.” He said, his own voice cracking. “Please don’t go.”

“You know what hurts more than being played, Merlin?” The blond asked as he looked over at him. “Falling in love with the player and finding out they’re believing their own game. It looks like you were right, Merlin. You have lost me.”

The warlock was still stuck in his spot long after the harsh echo of the door slamming shut left his ears. His wet cheeks burned and his heart was back with Arthur’s dead body in the boat at it floated along the lake to burn.

He could handle Arthur being dead and gone from the world.

Now he’s realizing that Arthur being alive but not wanting to be around him was worse.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything had gone kind of topsy turvey while his heart re-broke itself. He’d had the chance to prove himself to Arthur the last time he was honest. This time it was like nothing would help or fix it. And Merlin wasn’t a fool. He knew that he couldn’t go after the King this time or stop him. There was nothing else he could try or do. 
> 
> Nothing but break down and let go of everything that’s been building up.

Things became a blur after Arthur walked out.

Everything had gone kind of topsy turvey while his heart re-broke itself. He’d had the chance to prove himself to Arthur the last time he was honest. This time it was like nothing would help or fix it. And Merlin wasn’t a fool. He knew that he couldn’t go after the King this time or stop him. There was nothing else he could try or do.

Nothing but break down and let go of everything that’s been building up.

The last vivid memory Merlin had after that was the feeling of his getting fresh trails of tears while he dug out his liquor and the burn that followed as he downed it with no break for air in sight. He wanted the pain gone and to be able to pretend that Arthur was never at the apartment.

There was a pounding in his head. It was harsh, like when the knights’ swords would clash with their shield counterparts. These days it was more likely the sound of metal pots and pans or a car outside with chains clinging against the ground.

The sun was glaring as he cracked his eyes open only to immediately shut them. His mouth was dry like the Sahara and every movement he tried to make was sluggish. Hangovers weren’t a treat and he often questioned why Gwaine was so welcoming to them in so frequent a manner. Upon attempting to open his eyes again, he noticed a glass of water sitting on the nightstand. He propped himself up using an arm while reaching out to take a drink.

As he swallowed down the cold refreshing water Merlin cringed when he heard the bathroom door open behind him.

“Ah, you’re awake.”

Merlin squinted his eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly. He watched as Freya ran a towel against her wet hair, another towel wrapped around her body and steam flowing into the room from behind her.

A sick feeling started to form at the possibility it brought, the which Freya was more than happy to put to ease when she gathered his thoughts from his expression.

“You can relax Merlin.” She stated as she made her way closer to the bed. “We didn’t do anything.”

“We didn’t?” He asked, uncertain. Freya could have been trying to spare his feelings, right?

“You drank, you called me over, I sat with you on the couch while you told me what happened with Arthur, and then I helped you into bed after you had yourself a cry.”

“Oh. Well that’s not at all humiliating.”

Freya took a seat in the space next to him, patting one of his hands. “It was my turn to take care of you after everything you had done for me when we first met. Even the Great Emrys deserves the chance to let go of his emotions.”

Merlin could only nod his head and work on swallowing down the new lump in his throat. He wasn’t so sure he deserved this kindness.

“Merlin, you’ve surely heard the saying ‘If you love something, set it free’?” Freya asked.

The warlock nodded; of course he knew it. It was one of the most popular sayings, it was hard not to know it. “If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”

“I think that it’s time you let Arthur go.” She said gently.

“Freya, in case you don’t remember, I already did.” Merlin replied warily.

“No you didn’t.” Freya smiled sadly at her dear friend. “Arthur was taken from you. As was already destined to be. You’ve held your guilt all these years and never truly accepted that there was nothing that could be done. You never let go of him.”

“So, what, you expect me to let go of him now? Right when I just had him?”

“I’m not saying to forget he’s alive again, Merlin. I’m saying that now is your opportunity to give yourself peace. Let him go. You’ve done all you could, you’ve told him everything. If he comes back, then you’ll have him like you’ve wanted. But if he doesn’t…”

“Then I should move on and stop hanging onto the prophecy.” He finished for her.

Freya’s smile stayed sad as she nodded. “I know this is hard for you.” She added, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Just know that I have the same faith in you now as I had all those years ago.”

Merlin looked down at their hands and smiled small. Freya was right. She was the wisdom that he sought after every time and she always delivered. It was time for him to step up and be wise himself. Like he told Arthur, he was tired of carrying this guilt. He needed to move on, too. Perhaps this was his chance regardless of Arthur coming back or not.

“Thank you, Freya.” The warlock met his friend’s gaze, sharing the love and friendship he’s always cherished between them.

“You don’t need to thank me, Merlin.” Freya replied, her smiled turning warmer. “Just help yourself move on. It’s far past time to.”

Merlin nodded, he wasn’t disagreeing with her on this.

“Now, how about I get myself dressed and you can repay my babysitting with some breakfast?” She proposed with a half smirk as she stood up. “Then you can get your scrawny arse to work.”

“Shit, work.” Merlin groaned. His other friends weren’t fools, which meant there’d be questions as soon as he steps foot into the mall. Gwen might already know what’s happened because of Lance. That makes this so much worse.

“There’s no avoiding it.” Freya pointed out.

“I know. That’s the sucky part.” He grumbled. Merlin turned his head to stare outside his window to try and find some motivation. It wasn’t easy but this type of thing hardly ever was.

_Here’s to moving on._ He thought to himself and got up to get dressed himself but thought better and took Freya’s place in the bathroom for a quick shower of his own. The hot water helped clear his head and banish the hangover away. Merlin dried off and got dressed, then joined his dear friend with leaving the apartment behind for a nice fresh breakfast.

There was no telling what he’d ever do without Freya to help him get on the straight and narrow. 

* * *

 

 Breakfast had certainly been what Merlin had needed.

It was a pick me up, he felt like he could better handle the day and what would come along with it.

Of course, just because he was feeling better it didn’t mean that there was still a storm to approach. Luckily Gwen didn’t seem to be around yet when he got to Hot Topic so he didn’t have to find out what she knew. Unluckily, Gwaine was there and waiting and the look on his face said he for sure knew things were up. Which was kinda Merlin’s fault because of the days before now.

They both didn’t say anything or push to know what the other was thinking. Merlin was too tired about talking it over and would much rather keep it in until he knew for sure Arthur wasn’t coming back to him this time. For once, and he didn’t know if it was because Gwen or Percy said something about it, Gwaine was quiet and the warlock didn’t know how to feel about it. There was a relief but only over the personal bubble not being invaded.

It felt like his lunch break couldn’t come fast enough. Being couped up in a small space with Gwaine while the issues and remaining traces of hangover were lingering wasn’t a great mix.

Merlin left Hot Topic and Gwaine for the food court. On his way he checked to see if Gwen was there at her own place of employment, but she still wasn’t there. He still wasn’t sure if that was really a good thing or bad thing. He continued on to the mixed smell of burgers and Cinnebuns, his stomach starting to make noises representing his actual hunger.

Rather than junk food, he went with something healthier that he’d made for himself a few times before. A Ploughman’s sandwich and some chips served him well for his reprieve of the day. He found an empty table to sit at near the back of the food court, away from the mass of chattering families and cliques of friends. It was quieter in this area and was filled more with the single persons or couples that were much more quiet and private with their conversations. Merlin was in deep need of private at the moment.

That privacy and quiet apparently wasn’t meant to be when he heard the sound of crutches that stopped by him and the drag of the empty seat by him being pulled out.

“Well look who I’ve found. If I didn’t know any better, you’ve become nothing but a ghost considering how hard to find you’ve been.”

Even with a casted foot, Morgan hadn’t changed. Make up sharp and on point, hair in lustful locks and clothes that were more that appraising of her assets. The coy smirk on her face wasn’t any different either.

“Hello, Morgan.” He bid her.

“I heard about you and Arthur.” She said with a slight pout, the falseness of her sympathy as obvious as the way she was offering herself up when she leaned closer to give her already out there breasts more open exposure.

“I’d rather not talk about it, but I figured you would hear at one point or another.” Merlin replied, his smile tiny and tight as he looked away.

The feel of her hand on top of his felt wrong, it wasn’t that warm fit like Arthur’s hand or comforting like Freya or Gwen. It was an attempt at seduction and it only succeeded in making his stomach lurch and skin crawl.

Those feelings made a sudden sadness fill him that wasn’t like what he was feeling over Arthur. He and Morgana used to be friends before things went to hell. They confided in each other and had helped each other. They had cared for one another and yes; Merlin will admit that there was a short time where he even had a crush on her.

But then it all changed when Mordred came along and Morgause. Morgana’s heart turned so bitter and cold. And Merlin realized that part of that was his own fault, too. Things could have been far different if he had been there for her instead of lying like Kalgorrah wanted. Her evil had risen from fear and the feeling of being isolated. Uther had done such a terrible toll on both his children and Merlin wished that he’d been the one to let him die sometimes like most wanted. At least Morgana got her justice when she put him to death herself.

Just how many mistakes did Merlin make that he denied his part of?

“I was thinking,” Morgan went on, oblivious to Merlin’s introversion, “that since he’s an idiot who can’t see what a catch you are, the two of us give it a go. I can be much more fun than my brother.”

Merlin covered her hand with his free one in a sign of care and gentleness, meeting her gaze with his own.

“You don’t want me, Morgan.” He stated softly.

“Of course I do, that’s why I’m saying we should go out.” Morgan responded, giving him a look that was the equivalent of ‘duh’.

“You only want me to go out with you so that you can piss off Arthur and your father.” Merlin countered; unsurprised by the way Morgan immediately straightened up and dropped the flirtatious act.

“I don’t see how sibling rivalry is so bad.” She said simply with a far too casual shrug as she pulled her hand away.

“It’s bad because your father doesn’t deserve you trying so hard to win his affection.”

“You don’t know what you’re—“

“I do know, Morgan. You know I’ve had to see what kind of man he is. A man like that doesn’t deserve the hold he has over you. You’re much better than this, and I know there’s a girl much better and smarter in there. A girl who puts her confidence towards something else instead of promiscuity or trying to hurt her brother.”

“You’ve barely known me and my family yet you have the confidence of knowing so much about us?” Morgan asked, giving the warlock an odd look.

“I used to know someone who went through exactly what you and Arthur are.” Merlin replied, which was technically not a lie or slip up of the truth. A nice in-between he was happy to stay in at the moment.

Morgan stared at him for a long time, and Merlin could see the barriers start to break down. Her resolve was thin, and the truth was more than happy to show him how right he is.

“I do want to be your friend, Morgan.” Merlin said in a softer tone. “Hang out and talk completely platonically. I know that we’d have a mutually good time that way, and you won’t leave feeling anything other than legitimately happy.”

“You want to be mates?” Morgan asked, a faint trace of amusement showing. “After calling me out on having daddy issues and the flirting?”

“Yes.” He nodded.

Morgan laughed a bit, disbelief mixing with a smile that grew. “I can’t believe you’re serious.”

“And yet I am.”

There was another pause between them as Morgan made up her mind, slowly nodding. “All right.” She said. “Friends.”

“Friends.” Merlin agreed with a nod.

“As your friend, then, I’ll leave you alone to enjoy your lunch.” She said with a softer smile.

“And as your friend, I am inclined to say thank you.” He returned, a kind smile of his own on his face.

“You aren’t like any other boy I’ve met, Merlin.” Morgan mused.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Merlin watched her stand, only to be caught off guard when she leaned in and kissed him. It was different than the one she gave him at the party. This one was much softer, and had no hidden agenda behind it. It was nice; Merlin did think so.

But it wasn’t Arthur or the spark that went with him.

“Nothing?” She asked when she pulled back, her look of genuine curiosity.

“I’m sorry to say but no.” Merlin shook his head.

“My brother doesn’t realize what a lucky boy he was finding you.” Morgan said softly. She gave the warlock a bidding smile before using her crutches to leave him.

Once again Merlin was alone. But this time he felt better. He was able to fix an old problem and mend a bridge. Having Morgan as a friend again felt like a much-needed accomplishment and he was damn pleased.

At least he had one Pendragon rooting for him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was really not what he wanted today. But maybe it’ll be what he needs. They’re his friends, and all they’ve wanted was for him to be happy. The only thing was that Gwaine only knew of one way to get over/fix/forget problems was a long night at the pub.
> 
> He needed it. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it until the alcohol was going down his throat smoothly and making his head cloudy. After so much stress he just…Okay so he might have allowed a lapse in judgment on purpose.

After the initial surprise he still had over being able to put a truce between himself and Morgan, he started to realize there might be a sliver of hope in him still. If Morgan could come around after they spent their previous lifetime being archrivals then surely Arthur will come around too, right? 

Oh right, this was Arthur _I’mastubbornclotpole_ Pendragon he was talking about.

So there was still a potential of having Arthur forever existing without him. How lovely.

Merlin finished off his lunch a little late but he knew Gwaine would only half-heartedly complain about it. He left the food court to return to work, chasing away a tempting thought of leaving Arthur a text. He may know and accept that he has to let the former King go, but that didn’t mean the impulses died off with that decision.

His feet stopped before he went into work, however, when he saw Gwen hunched over the counter with Gwaine and a recently arrived Percy. The warlock didn’t have to guess what they were talking about; he could practically feel the pity starting to radiate from them.

This was really not what he wanted today. But maybe it’ll be what he needs. They’re his friends, and all they’ve wanted was for him to be happy. The only thing was that Gwaine only knew of one way to get over/fix/forget problems was a long night at the pub.

Merlin reluctantly got his feet moving again. He went into Hot Topic and watched as his friends quickly straightened up and plastered on smiles. They really were terrible at being casual.

“Merlin!” Gwen exclaimed happily, a little _too_ happily if he said so. “Hey!”

“Hello to you, too, Gwen.” He nodded.

“You look good.” She commented, but Merlin wasn’t up for the awkward small talk.

“Did Lance know right off the bat, or did you two just find out?”

Gwen sighed and let her smile fade to reveal her worry. “I’m sorry, Merlin.” She rested her hand on top of his to comfort him. “We were both shocked. You and Arthur looked like you had really hit it off.”

“Things happen.” The warlock shrugged. Of course he wasn’t going to tell them what it was all about, but he was just glad Arthur let his ‘honor’ and pride keep from sharing his beliefs of Merlin being a lunatic asshole.

 “You’re coming out with us tonight.” Gwaine stated. “You need to blow off some steam and forget about the rich boy for a night.”

“Gee, Gwaine, thanks.” The warlock muttered.

Percy rested a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, wearing a look with such compassion that Merlin felt like he might drown in it. But it was just a reminder of how sweet the big was underneath all that muscle.

“You’re our friend, Merlin. We’re not going to let you suffer alone.”

“I think that is one of the nicest things you’ve said to me, Percy.” He replied with a small smile.

“It’s no big deal.” Percy shrugged, patting his shoulder before rejoining his boyfriend. Merlin tried to be casual with rubbing the shoulder, damn that hurt.

“Then it’s settled!” Gwaine said brightly. “We’re all off to the pub when we’re done here.”

Gwen looked like she was about to agree when she suddenly shook her head. “Sorry, I can’t.”

“Gwen, come on, you always love getting drinks.” Merlin frowned.

“I wish I could, but I have to get home to help father deal with Elyan.” She replied, annoyance in her voice.

“I think your father can handle him on his own, you don’t have to worry about it.” Merlin gently pressed, but he knew how this always ended. He couldn’t help but try at the very least.

“If I leave him alone to deal with Elyan than all that’ll happen is my brother swindling him of more money.” Gwen stated.

Merlin felt bad. Elyan had been such an honorable and compassionate man back in the times of knighthood. Apart from these money issues, he still appeared to be a good guy, but it saddened him that Gwen had to deal with this sort of problem after everything that happened to her in the past.

“Well then we’ll just have to drink for you.” Gwaine interjected brightly.

Gwen rolled her eyes, “That’s not the slightest bit surprising since you already drink for two people.” She gave Merlin’s arm a gentle squeeze. “I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?”

Merlin nodded, giving her a soft smile.

“Don’t drink too much.” She advised her friend before walking out, leaving him to have Gwaine cheerily wrap his arms around his and Percy’s shoulders.

“We’re going to have a hell of a time!”  
  
At least Freya could be proud of him, going to the pub with mates for drinks was proof of him trying to let go.

What could go wrong?

* * *

 

All right, so a lot could go wrong.

He hadn’t meant to drink so much, honestly. And when they first got to the pub, everything was fine. He had ordered himself a pint of ale and planned on only having three tops.

Then Gwaine got a round of shots and that’s when Merlin gave in.

He needed it. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it until the alcohol was going down his throat smoothly and making his head cloudy. After so much stress he just…Okay so he might have allowed a lapse in judgment on purpose.

But he wasn’t lying when he said he needed it. The last time he ever let go like this was back in Camelot. Even then it was only a few times and because Gwaine was hard to say no to. Some things never change.

They’d been at the pub for an hour and a half. Percy was the most sober since he designated him the driver of the night and stuck to one pint that was only have drunk. Merlin had lost track of how much he had after the third pint and sixth shot, he was still amazed that he hadn’t puked or fallen onto his ass.

So maybe he hadn’t fallen yet because Percy was helping keeping him upright. No big deal.

Merlin couldn’t really remember much after his brain got fogged up, and at first it felt like a good thing. He was having a good time

And then he was stumbling through the parking lot while Percy and Gwaine kept him upright.

“C’mon, I’s still thirsty.” Merlin whined, trying to pull away from his friends. It was like he wasn’t even trying thanks to Mr. Muscles.

“As much as I appreciate you having a good time, even I think you’ve had enough, Merlin.” Gwaine said, passing the car keys over to his boyfriend.

“’m fine.” Merlin countered as he tried shaking his head but managing more of an awkward roll back and forth.

“Sure you are.” Percy grunted. The bigger man unlocked the car and opened up the side door. “In you go.” He sighed, working with Gwaine to get the warlock inside.

Merlin’s struggles were weak and awkward with no real sense of what he was doing. As soon as he was in the car he just flopped to the side and curled up along the seats, finding them oddly comfortable. Maybe he could just nap in here for the night.

The other two men got into the car and started it, all of them equally wincing when the music blared from the radio. Percy was the one to quickly turn it off before he pulled out of their spot and the driving started to rock Merlin back and forth on the seats.

“All right, Merlin, you’re staying with us tonight.” His friend stated with a worried gaze through the rearview mirror. “You’re in no condition to be by yourself.”

It felt like his tongue was a warm wet ball of cotton that was making it stick to the roof of his mouth. It made it difficult for Merlin to say anything like how he was perfectly capable of surviving a lonely drunk night in his own apartment. The warlock still tried to say something but was promptly cut off with a scoff from Gwaine.

“Don’t be such a worry wart, Perc, he’s fine.” The man waved off.

“Gwaine look at him.” Percy hissed, giving his boyfriend a look. “He’s so hammered I’m surprised he can still keep his eyes open or move. I’m not risking him suffocating on his own vomit.”

“All right, fine, sheesh.” He grumbled as he sat back in his seat and stared out the passenger window.

Merlin had only caught some of the words spoken. But knowing his friends, he could figure out in his swimmy head that he wasn’t going home tonight. It was finally then with the silence and inability to move that his drunken mind began to bring up the very thing he’d been drinking to avoid. Arthur’s name circulated through his mind and behind closed lids.

The blue eyes, the smile that went with them.

The look of betrayal when he thought Merlin was lying back in the apartment.

It felt like he was drowning in Arthur but it was the worst way possible. He couldn’t even try to pull himself out of it because of how heavy he felt and the sluggish feeling he was stuck in. In the name of Kalghorrah, this was the worst decision he’s made.

Well, there were a lot of decisions that were bad. But this one at the moment felt like the worst and Merlin was smart enough to know it’ll be even worse in the morning.

So caught up in the dark ocean that was his brain, Merlin didn’t realize the car had stopped moving until the door next to his feet opened up and there were strong hands sitting him up. With the forcing of his eyes opening Merlin’s vision swam and finally his stomach lurched. He jerked out of his spot and fell to his knees, spewing the contents of all the alcohol and dinner he had that night.

There was a comforting hand on his back when his body was convulsing with the last of the vomit and suddenly all he wanted was a tall glass of water and to sleep for another thousand years.

“We’ve got you, Merlin.” Percy assured as he helped the warlock carefully get up onto his wobbly legs.

Gwaine was already at the front door holding it open for Percy to bring their friend inside, and then he went off to grab some blankets and pillows. The condo they had was a decent sized one that Merlin liked any time that wasn’t now. The couch was a nice one, too, since it was a pull out.

Merlin felt utterly weak being slumped against the big muscled man while they watched Gwaine get out the pull out and toss some pillows on it. He stumbled over to his resting place and dropped onto it, face immediately burying into the pillows. He turned his head when he felt he shoes getting pulled off and blankets being put on top of him, and he managed to crack open his eyes again.

Gwaine returned to the living room with a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin. He set them down on the nearby coffee table for when the warlock would definitely need it later, then patted his friend on the back and went off to the bedroom. Percy was beginning to join him when Merlin reached out to grab his arm.

“Thanks.” He mumbled.

Percy patted his arm and set it back down on the bed as he gave a slight nod. “I oughta kick Arthur’s arse.” He stated in a low voice. “Because he doesn’t know what he’s missing, and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve making you into a drunkard.”

Unsure how to respond, Merlin just watched with a tiny smile as his friend left to retire for the night. It felt good to know he had great friends who cared and were reliable. It didn’t take long for his eyes to shut again as the remaining alcohol in his system worked its magic to put him to sleep.

There was no way the upcoming hangover would be worth it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know me, always here and willing to save the day.” Merlin replied with a smile even though she couldn’t see it. He was halfway to his front door when he actually paid attention to it and froze mid-step. The smile on his face faded and the light of excitement in his eyes was extinguished as he was face to face with a sight that still tried to rekindle the hope he had.
> 
> Arthur rose up to his feet from his place on Merlin’s front step in one fluid motion. His hands were shoved into the front pockets of his jeans and he stayed in his place looking awkward like he was trying to find the way to be casual but nerves were getting in the way.

Merlin awoke to the smell of fresh cooked bacon. The aroma filled his nose and made his mouth water before he was even fully awake. As soon as he _was_ awake, however, he felt like he’d been steamrolled over and was left with a killer headache. The sun made him flinch from being too bright when he attempted to open his eyes, and his mouth held the same cottony texture it did like the morning before.

He really needed to make sure this didn’t become a habit of his.

The warlock had managed to push himself up to a sitting position and was downing the aspirin and water when Percy wandered in from the kitchen with a plate of freshly made breakfast. He knew there was a reason he was friends with this guy.

“Cheers.” Merlin said as he took the offered plate. He chewed on a piece of bacon as he looked around the living room for another sign of life. “Where’s Gwaine?”

“Still in the bedroom.” Percy sighed. He took a seat on the mattress and let his friend get some food into his system. “He prefers to spend his off days sleeping the morning away. Somehow he remains under the impression that sleeping late will prevent a hangover.”

“Does it?”

“Not in the slightest. But it doesn’t stop him from trying it every time.”

“I know I should worry for him but he makes it so hard to.”

“Believe me I know the feeling.” Percy agreed, the fondness he has over his boyfriend still obvious even in that statement.

“Sleeping in sounds great right now, actually.” Merlin wished that he could, but he was still hardwired for these early morning wake ups even without a King to serve.

“You’re welcome to stay longer, I’m not kicking you out, Merlin.” He assured.

“No I should really get to my own place.” The warlock declined. “I have to shower and enjoy my own living quarters. Have some things I need to get done anyways.”

A peaceful quiet fell between the two friends. Merlin spent it eating, and Percy was using it to gather his thoughts before speaking again.

“How are you feeling, Merlin?” He asked.

It was easy enough from the tone that he wasn’t referring to the hangover. The look on his face when Merlin lifted his gaze cemented it. Merlin finished off the bacon and set the plate aside, using his pants to wipe his hands off.

“I’m fine.” Merlin answered. Percy was ready to call him out on it but he continued on himself. “I mean that I’m obviously still enamored by Arthur since it’s only been a few days and getting plastered isn’t usually a case of someone who’s moved on. I’ve got time to work on it.”

Percy nodded slowly as he looked over his friend. The corner of his mouth curved up in a small smile, and he couldn’t help but ask, “Have you always been this smart, or is it a new thing for you?”

“I prefer to call it selective intelligence, thank you, Percy.” The warlock rolled his eyes at the bigger man and tried to shove him but it seemed like Percy barely moved an inch until he laughed.

“I’m just proud of you for taking the high road on this.”

“Yes, and I’m sure everyone else is, too. Freya was proud of me yesterday, and now I have you and Gwaine on the list which means Gwen should be joining it any second.”

Merlin and Percy had matching smiles when Gwaine’s voice yelled out for silence. It only made the two men laugh more but Percy left to go tend to his husband. The warlock ate every trace of food that was on the plate, then did the proper thing and washed it off himself. Percy hadn’t returned from the bedroom yet so he just got on his shoes and jacket to get a move on.

“I’ll see you two later!” He called out as he opened the door, getting muffled responses in return.

Merlin knew that his apartment wasn’t that close but he thought that he could do with the walk. The pub was closer anyways and he needed to pick up his own car from its lot since they left it there the night before. He made a note to himself that next time he should call Freya to make sure someone could drive him and the car home.

The sun didn’t bother his eyes that badly anymore and the headache was gone thanks to the painkillers but his walking was still somewhat sluggish. He didn’t mind it though since it gave him the chance to enjoy the nature around him on the walk. It led him through a small park nearby that was filled with little children running around while their mothers watched, and it sent a pang of mourning through him that he hadn’t felt in a while. Merlin missed his mum dearly.

For a while after Arthur’s death he had gone back to Ealdor to stay with her. Guinevere had been understanding about it since she was in mourning herself. Merlin was stuck with the pain of losing Arthur _and_ Gwaine all at once and it felt like he was overwhelmed. His magick had temporarily stopped running through his veins and his heart was broken. It was his mother who helped him find enough composure to keep going and accept the pain. If only he could go to her now and tell her everything that was happening.

She was still on his mind when he got to the pub, and luckily the car was in tact. Maybe he could visit the marker he had set up in the nearby cemetery for her. When she passed Merlin had cremated her and spread her ashes in the lake so that it’d feel as if she were keeping watch over Arthur for him.

Merlin made a decision on the drive to the apartment that he’d go to Avalon. It had been a while since he visited it, and now he had a strong need to go to it. If he were to go and say a final goodbye to the past then it could possibly make things easier in the end if Arthur never came around.

The phone goes off in his pocket, lulling him back into the space of the car. He fumbles with driving one handed and pulling the phone out only to almost drop it.

“Hello?” He asks with a wince, he hadn’t meant to say it so loudly.

“I heard that you went off your rocker last night.”

Merlin does his best not to hang up on Gwen’s little tease. If only he was serious with that internal threat but it was nice to hear her voice at the moment.

“I wouldn’t say I went off it.” He objected. “It was more like I missed the rocker completely and fell flat on my arse.”

Gwen’s laugh rung through the phone and it made him smile more since he wasn’t in the least bit upset by it. This time, at the least.

“Now I regret not coming last night.” She replied. Merlin could tell that she was smiling from the way her voice sounded and it relieved him a little bit when he remembered how she had spent her night instead.

“We all wish you had to.” Merlin went with. “How was Elyan?”

“Well he says he’s trying to turn over a new leaf. Father of course wants to believe him.”

“Do you?” Merlin gets the feeling he already knows the answer but he needed to ask it nonetheless.

“I _want_ to believe him. But how do you believe someone who’s been a broken record?”

“You’ve never been one to immediately go with what I say but perhaps you should give it a shot. Fix his record while keeping a close eye. He might turn out to surprise us all.”

“Part of me wants to believe you mean this.”

“What does the other part want?”

“To brush this off as your hangover making you talk nonsense.”

“Thanks for that.” Merlin scoffed. He turned into his apartment complex and parked. Man he needed to shower and get some clean clothes on. Then he can take a heavenly nap. Maybe just sleep the day away.

“Say I side with my father on giving him this chance and he screws it up?” Gwen asks, but this time her voice is softer with the real fear she’s holding.

He knows that she would give anything to see her brother turn his life around very much like he had with becoming a Knight of the Round Table. It’s why he suggested the idea instead of going with her usual plans.

“Then at least you tried to help him and gave him a chance to be more than his mistakes.” He answered.

“I honestly think you’re beginning to sound wiser than usual.” Gwen mused. “Thank you for trying to help.”

“You know me, always here and willing to save the day.” Merlin replied with a smile even though she couldn’t see it. He was halfway to his front door when he actually paid attention to it and froze mid-step. The smile on his face faded and the light of excitement in his eyes was extinguished as he was face to face with a sight that still tried to rekindle the hope he had.

Arthur rose up to his feet from his place on Merlin’s front step in one fluid motion. His hands were shoved into the front pockets of his jeans and he stayed in his place looking awkward like he was trying to find the way to be casual but nerves were getting in the way.

“Hey.” The blond said lamely with a trying half smile.

“Merlin? Are you there?” Gwen’s voice was back in his ear again to give him the confirmation that he wasn’t losing his mind.

“I need to call you back.” Merlin bid to his friend and hung up before anything else could be said. He even pinched himself discreetly to make absolutely certain this wasn’t a dream or vivid hallucination.

Arthur shifted in his spot when nothing else was said, the silence making him quite obviously uncomfortable. “Well don’t just stand there.” He demanded. “Say something.”

“Okay…I’ll start with what are you doing here?”

“Seeing you, obviously.”

“ _Why_ are you here to see me, Arthur?”

The blond blew out air like he was releasing a puff of smoke. Merlin couldn’t help but find a bit of satisfaction that he’s never seen him so flustered before, even during his courtship of Guinevere.

“I, um, heard you and Morgan have become friendlier.” He started.

“Meaning she told you about our talk yesterday.” Merlin deadpanned.

“Well yes.” Arthur shifted again before crossing his arms in an attempt to gain more solidarity in the moment. “She told me a lot of things.”

“I can only guess what that would be.” He sighed. “Listen Arthur, if this is you trying to give me some protective brother speech you can save it. You don’t need to be here just because—“

“She told me that I am the biggest idiot on the planet for breaking up with you.”

Merlin didn’t stop his lip from quirking up at that. “How nice of her.”

“She’s right.”

“Wait, what?” The warlock did a double take; it felt like those words were the start of one of his dreams.

“Morgana is right.” Arthur repeated. “I…I read the book. And it felt like déjà vu. It wasn’t just as if I had read it before, it felt like I had _done_ it before. Like some of it wasn’t accurate and I _knew_.

“And then there were the dreams.”

“The…the dreams?” Merlin asked, feeling his hope rising. This wasn’t actually happening was it?

“Of you. Of _us_. And it all felt _real_.” Arthur couldn’t take the distance anymore and walk right up to Merlin. He framed the warlock’s face with his hands, searching for something but he had no idea if it was a success. “I feel like I should be remembering but there’s a block and I am so sorry that I didn’t believe you.”

Merlin couldn’t find the words to respond with, all he could think was that this had to be some trick because it was hard for him to believe this was really happening. Arthur was apologizing and admitting he’s right and it was the best thing he’s every heard.

“I don’t know if I’ve loved you all this time like you’ve loved me, but I know for certain I love you _now_ as this me.” Arthur didn’t wait for a response. He used his hold on Merlin’s face to pull him closer, meeting his lips with an urgent kiss.

He would have been a fool not to return the kiss. Merlin didn’t fight it, he’d been hoping for this as long as he can remember. He owed Freya a thank you for talking sense into him. The idea of them being meant for each other sent a warm feeling through him and butterflies in his stomach. Merlin held onto tight to Arthur for all he could, reveling in the moment. Knuckles were white with their grips and mouths refused to break apart until they were both left gasping and panting.

The early morning showed their breaths when it mixed into the cold air, and for a second he was able to picture doing this every day. He could see him and Arthur at the park together while he fails miserably at playing soccer, see them close to each other watching a movie on the couch or cuddled up in the same bed. Merlin could even see the two of them sharing a goodbye kiss right here in this very spot every time.

“I’ll help you remember.” Merlin promised between breaths, which quickly turned into more kisses. It was a battle for them to choose between breathing and keeping contact with each other mouth-wise. They were required to keep breaking for more air but neither of them was starting to mind. “I love you, Arthur. I always will.”

“I know.” He whispered back. “I know you will.”

They slowly backed up, making it up the step and against the door. Arthur’s mouth felt hot against his own, leaving a tail of fire along his skin when he moved down his jaw and neck. Merlin’s head was starting to cloud in the best way he could imagine. The cloudiness made it harder for him to scrounge up his keys and then struggle with using them to unlock the door but he was otherwise occupied. The two boys wasted no more time in getting into the apartment and to the bedroom, falling on top of each other while they tugged at one another’s clothing.

This was a dream that Merlin didn’t want to wake from.

This was everything he had spent a thousand years waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two of them laid there in their serenity without sharing another word. It was like finding that missing piece of the puzzle and being able to complete the picture once and for all. All the problems and guilt that Merlin had been harboring up until now were gone, melted away and replaced with the feeling of belonging. Happily ever after was possible in reality and he was ready to never test the waters to keep it certain in fear it could break this feeling. 
> 
> They shared slow and lazy kisses. Hands caressed unscarred skin to seal the moment into memory and there was no rush behind any of it. Merlin had no place he needed to go and Arthur was willing to pretend the very same thing. Phones were shut off and tossed aside to prevent interruptions and the door was locked to prevent surprise visits. It was like they were in their own private Avalon and Merlin thrived on it.

The day feels like it’s brighter than usual. Everything comes off with a dreamy haze and Merlin feels completely and utterly at peace. For the first time in a thousand years he feels like this could be the happiest day of his life.

His eyes take in the mess of disposed clothes on the floor. It’s solid proof and a reminder of what just happened earlier that morning. The strong secure hold of the arms around him is more irrefutable evidence. The words _I had sex with Arthur Pendragon_ were racing around his head. They made his stomach flutter in the best of ways.

Merlin closed his eyes when he felt a sudden pair of lips against his bare shoulder and the smile on his face grew.

“I’ve decided I really have been an idiot all this time for missing out on sex that good.” Arthur declared in a content murmur against his shoulder.

“Is that the only reason you feel like an idiot?” Merlin laughed, not even able to pretend that statement insulted him. On the contrary, it made him feel even better being able to hear that from the former King.

Gentle hands rolled Merlin onto his back, and he looked up at Arthur with a warm smile. The blond rested their bodies together, arms on either side of his head. “I feel like an idiot for costing myself time I could have spent feeling happy with you.”

“I make you happy?” The warlock couldn’t help but ask, feeling his smile grow wider.

“Don’t _you_ be an idiot, Merlin, of course you make me happy.” Arthur rolled his eyes.

“And you really believe me now?” He pushed. “You know I mean it when I say who you used to be?”

Arthur met Merlin’s searching gaze and brushed his fingertips down the side of his face, watching as the brunet’s eyes closed for a second.

“Yes.” The blond answered. “I know you are being truthful.”

Merlin let out a breath of relief, feeling the weight leave him as his smile returned.

“You don’t realize how good it feels to hear you say that.”

“I think I can imagine.”

The two of them laid there in their serenity without sharing another word. It was like finding that missing piece of the puzzle and being able to complete the picture once and for all. All the problems and guilt that Merlin had been harboring up until now were gone, melted away and replaced with the feeling of belonging. Happily ever after was possible in reality and he was ready to never test the waters to keep it certain in fear it could break this feeling.

They shared slow and lazy kisses. Hands caressed unscarred skin to seal the moment into memory and there was no rush behind any of it. Merlin had no place he needed to go and Arthur was willing to pretend the very same thing. Phones were shut off and tossed aside to prevent interruptions and the door was locked to prevent surprise visits. It was like they were in their own private Avalon and Merlin thrived on it.

Merlin ran his fingertips along the planes of Arthur’s back, up his neck then down to his face and jaw, locking it away for dreams to come. This day was one that he never thought he could have outside of them. It was perfect.

“I wish you could remember.” Merlin said softly.

“Wishes exist for that very reason.” Arthur replied with a small smile. He took the sorcerer’s hand and pressed kisses into the palm of it, working down to his wrist and gently nipping at the soft skin. “To create longing and desire for things that can’t happen.”

“Except magick exists to counter that.” He argued. “It allows the good wishes to come true.”

“It also allowed some bad ones, too.” The blond countered back. “As I recall from the legends it’s what Morgana was, what Mordred was and many things that happened to me during the time of Camelot.”

“There were more good things to outweigh them. And Morgana and Mordred both weren’t always evil. They were both happy and kind once. Both misled down the dark path. Without magick you wouldn’t have existed, Arthur. Nor I. And we never would have found one another twice.”

“Why would you want me to remember the past?” Arthur asked curiously, playing with a lock of his warlock’s hair. “We weren’t together, and it was violent.”

“Both things may have been true but we still had each other.” Merlin answered. “I think you did love me in a way since you cared and trusted me so much by the end. We had some good times, even if you did hit me a lot and consider me nothing but a useless servant who—“

“I don’t see how that’s supposed to be convincing me I would have liked remembering being King Arthur—“

“—Even with all of that we still knew when to goof and confide in one another. I watched you become a great man, Arthur. The kind of man I was more than willing to carry my love for in secret because your happiness was important to me.” Merlin explained. “It feels like while we’re finally together and it’s how it should be, there’s still something missing. I have this whole life with you that I get to remember and look back on. I just want you to be able to do the same and know how far we’ve come.”

“How did I get lucky in finding someone who loves me so?” He mused, sharing another kiss with the warlock.

“Fate and Destiny all worked for us.” Merlin answered against his lips.

“So you like to say.”

They renewed their kisses for another few minutes, the love between them pulsating through the room. It wasn’t until Merlin gasped and pushed Arthur back that the lazy morning was finished.

“What is it?” Arthur asked worriedly, checking to see if he had hurt the brunet somewhere.

“I think I know a way to give you the memories.” Merlin said excitedly.

The blonde furrowed his brows, “You do?”

Merlin nodded, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of this before! “The very last place you were at as King Arthur was Avalon. It’s where you died, where I sent you off in ceremony, where Freya had kept Excalibur. Maybe if we go there, your memories will come back!”

“Are you sure that’s not just wishful thinking, Merlin?” Arthur sat up and rubbed the brunet’s shoulder gently. “I think you want it so badly you’re looking for any way to believe it’s possible.”

“I love you Arthur but this isn’t the time for you to play dallop head. Magick does many things. At least give me the chance to see if this is false hope or not. I’ll let it go if I’m wrong.”

“You know, I think that you need to find more modern insults.” He stated with narrowed eyes. He sighed though, waving the white flag in the form of Merlin’s pillow. “Going to this lake couldn’t hurt, I guess.”

“Thank you.” Merlin grinned, grabbing Arthur’s face and giving one big grateful smooch. “I promise that whatever happens there, I will let it go afterwards and never bring up Camelot again.”

“I fully intend on holding you to that promise.” Arthur said seriously. “You’ve held onto this for centuries. I want you to finally have the chance to move on like you talked about before.”

Merlin nodded in understanding. He was grateful to have Arthur who cared so much about it in the first place.

They hopped into the shower together to get cleaned up first. Even in there they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, making up for their lost time. It felt nice to Merlin, finally having Arthur’s hands touching him and handling him with so much fragility. Seeing Arthur naked like this was so much different compared to when he would bathe and dress his King, and it held so much more affection. It was Arthur who lathered his body with the Axe body wash, and it was Arthur who took to washing his hair. Merlin returned the favor, mixed with a lot of kissing and other forms of touching that held them up even longer but they didn’t care. This was their break from reality.

Getting dressed took just as much time as the shower thanks to Arthur’s teasing. The blond would keep his clothes from him or start a tickle fight that Merlin was _so_ making him lose to. They were falling into a routine even though it was their first time doing it, but it fight. Like they were moving to the same song with the same wavelength.  Merlin was willing to get used to this quickly and keep it. Arthur appeared to be just as willing for it.

It was Merlin who took the driver’s seat since Arthur had no idea which body of water was supposed to be Avalon. The gravity of the plan was coming down on them harder now that they were on the way. For Merlin, this was a chance to make sure he and Arthur were on the same level in the relationship. For Arthur, the guy was just being an already love sick puppy willing to follow as long as it made him happy.

Merlin pulled the car off to the side of the road when he reached Avalon. He parked it as close as he could to the lake without driving into it and for a second he sat there in his seat admiring how beautiful the place still looked. He could block out the sounds from the adjacent traffic and picture being back into the Medieval period of history, picture Arthur and Gwen sitting underneath a nearby tree talking while he skips stones across the water.

“Shall we do this?”

Merlin looked to his waiting companion and gave a short nod before getting out. It wasn’t until they were walking away from the car that he realized someone else was there.

“Freya?”

The girl smiled at him from where she was waiting, something long and slender residing against her leg as she gave a wave.

“Something told me that you two would be coming here.” She announced, inquisitive eyes resting on the blond.

“You still manage to surprise me.” Merlin gestured between her and Arthur as an introduction. “Arthur, this is my good friend Freya.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you again under better circumstances, my King.” Freya greeted, taking his offered hand and shaking it.

Confusion flickered across Arthur’s face and he looked to Merlin for the answers. “She knows who I was?”

“Yes, Freya’s been the only one out of our old friends who was reincarnated with her old memories.” Merlin explained. “She had been the Lady of the Lake, so it wasn’t a far stretch to understand. At least for me.”

“Ah.” Arthur replied.

“I won’t be staying long since this is for you two to do on your own.” Freya went on. She picked up her bundle and held out to the boys. “This belonged to you, Arthur. It should prove to be the key you need for what you’re seeking to unlock.”

“Uh, thank you.” He took the bundle from her and examined it, cautiously getting to work on unwrapping it.

“No need. Helping you and Merlin has been part of my Destiny. I am merely fulfilling it.”  She smiled at the both of them and rested a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “I will talk to you later.”

“I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Merlin could feel the wetness start in his eyes, this had meant the world to him. He cursed being so sentimental sometimes.

The brunette shook her head and kissed his cheek in farewell, then walked away, leaving the two of them alone with the lake.

“What is it?” He asked as he came up behind Arthur, who looked to be focused on his task.

“I don’t know.” Arthur huffed. “If I could just get it unwrapped, then—“

Merlin’s eyes flashed gold and the fabric untied itself for them. Arthur was quiet or a second, looking to be recovering from a short panic.

“Well that’s going to take some getting used to.” The blond stated when he recovered completely.

“Should I warn you next time?” Merlin asked.

“Yes, that would be a good idea.” He nodded. Arthur brushed the loose fabric away, revealing a sight Merlin had only gotten to relive in his dreams. “Is this…?”

“Excalibur.” The warlock whispered, his head nodding of its own accord as he stared at the beautiful sword. Excalibur was still in perfect condition thanks to the magick that coated it.

“But…I don’t get it.” Arthur said slowly. “How is giving me Excalibur supposed to be the key to unlocking my past memories?”

“Well the sword was yours.” Merlin supplied. “And I left it with you when you died. So maybe it’s supposed to be like a charm or talisman that’s been holding them for you.”

He didn’t blame Arthur for looking so skeptical, it sounded like a long shot to him, too. But he was proud that the blond was taking it in stride and actually giving it a try. He took a few steps back to give him some space. Arthur dropped the fabric to get it out of the way and inspected the sword for himself. It still looked like the perfect fit to his King, and shined with his touch.

Merlin almost missed seeing the light spread from Excalibur to Arthur’s hands since it happened so quickly, like a flash of lightening.

What he definitely didn’t miss was the way Arthur gasped, or him dropping to his knees.

The warlock rushed to his boyfriend’s side to help him but felt a zap himself when he tried to take the sword from Arthur. He could only watch with rapidly growing fear. Whatever Excalibur was doing to Arthur stopped within seconds of starting, leaving the blond panting as he dropped the sword.

“Arthur?” Merlin’s distressed gaze searched for some kind of change or injury. “Arthur, are you all right?”

Arthur raised his head slowly, distant blues locking with his and clearing up immediately. “Merlin.”

“That’s right, it’s me.” The warlock nodded. “Are you hurt?”

The question deflected right off of him as he straightened up. Hands rose to Merlin’s shoulders as something knew filled the blond’s eyes that Merlin didn’t understand.

“I…you were holding me.” Arthur voiced, emotion building up behind each word. It made Merlin’s stomach linger in a limbo of whether to drop or flutter. “I knew I wasn’t going to make it but it was okay. I was with you so it was going to be okay.”

The breath halted in Merlin’s throat as his stomach came to a decision to kill two birds with one stone by giving him both feelings simultaneously.

“I shouldn’t have said thank you.” He continued, his gaze full of distant pain that it was getting harder for the warlock to let himself keep meeting it.

“Y-you don’t—“ Merlin started, but Arthur wasn’t finished.

“I meant to tell you that I loved you.” The blonde choked out a wet laugh. “I felt it and I knew that’s what you’d been hiding from me, why it meant so much to you to keep your magick secret even when it was starting to become safe. But I just couldn’t get the words out and I knew it would have been a crueler way to tell you goodbye.”

Arthur moved his hands up to cup Merlin’s wet cheeks, the warlock’s own gripping his wrists tightly as his breaths came and went more harshly.

“I remember.” The blonde whispered as he brought their lips together, the weight of his remembered unspoken words behind it.

Merlin kissed him back desperately, feeling himself come apart. He got what he wanted and so much more and now he had no idea how he never saw this. If he weren’t busy clinging and crying he would be kicking his own ass for it.

“I love you.” Arthur promised between an attack of kisses. “I loved you then and I love you now.”  
  
“That is the best thing you’ve ever said to me.” Merlin laughed.

“Then you’ll do good by holding it to memory.” Arthur said.

“Like I would let myself forget it.”

“Shut up and let me enjoy making out with you, idiot.”

“Then get to it.”

Merlin held on to Arthur and gladly let the kiss pick up uninterrupted. This was his fairy tale, his truth. Waiting a thousand years didn’t seem so bad anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, so there's one more chapter left. But I want to say thank you still for reading, liking, bookmarking, and subscribing. It means a lot that so many people ave enjoyed this.


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was hard to believe that he had found Arthur a year ago.
> 
> It was harder still to believe that it was his Arthur complete with memories and the love he’d always dreamed of having.

It was hard to believe that he had found Arthur a year ago.

It was harder still to believe that it was _his_ Arthur complete with memories and the love he’d always dreamed of having.

Merlin felt happy, and it was a gift to him that he got the chance to wake up with his former King every day. Most mornings he would bring Arthur breakfast in bed like he had done in the previous life they shared. Other times the blond would be the one to surprise him with food. It would be an injustice to say Arthur made the food himself, but he could always count on the bakery a block over to have fresh pastries or a breakfast sandwich.

The two men were finally on the same page. Magick wasn’t a secret between them, nor were there any hidden memories to put strain on the rapidly growing love between them.

Together they got to watch as Gwen and Lance grew closer with the same intensity they had themselves, and see as Gwaine continued to be his partying self with Percy tagging along to make sure he survives the nights. And Merlin even got to grow closer to Morgan. Their friendship became something he had been under the impression of never being able to have again. She was another confidant. One who would even stand up against Ulric.

Morgan’s clothing began to grow more inches and the make up got lighter. It was the beginning of seeing the compassionate once again. She would even trade her flirtations for kind words or intelligent exchanges and the jokes became more lighthearted. Merlin and Arthur could both agree that they missed this version of his sister.

Merlin waited for Morgan’s magick to make itself present. It took four months of officially dating Arthur for the premonitions to begin, and then the fifth month was when the bursts of flames arise. While Ulric passed it off as Morgan rebelling in a new form, the warlock was right there to help her the way he should have the first time around.

For this first time in a long while, Merlin didn’t feel like there was some dark cloud looming overhead. He was happy, Arthur was alive, and Morgan wasn’t an enemy. The only things he still wished for from time to time was the chance to see his mother again and Gauis so that they could see how much better life had become for him.

There was a farmer’s market happening in the park that morning. It was a warmer start of the day than usual for the time of year but with Arthur whispering loving sentiments in his ear during their wake up sex it was hard to pay attention to it.

The blond had promised Gwen that they’d come check out the stalls. There wasn’t anything negative that the sorcerer could think of to say no so he was fine with it. At the very least he could find fresh vegetables to use that night for dinner. Morgan ended up tagging along as well, wanting to see if there were any other stalls that had some kind of nutrition crème that she had recently started using to make her skin healthier after all the heavy use of make up.

It was actually fun. It was comfortable between them as they walked through the endless rows of handmade valuables and homegrown crops. Morgan had bought a mini crate of fresh strawberries that the three of them shared as they strolled without any specific destination.

They lulled to a stop as they came across a flower stand. Morgan’s interest grew at the array of fresh, bright bouquets. She moved away from the boys to look at fresh roses. Merlin was fine with hanging back and taking a look at the daffodils and succulents.

“Would it count as cheesy if I were to buy you some?” Arthur asked in the warlock’s ear.

Merlin’s smile grew even while he was rolling his eyes. “Only if you go with the generic rose.” He replied casually. He straightened up and turned to face Arthur more to be met with a kiss. One that the warlock was more than happy to return. “There’s plenty of flowers here that can mean love and affection.”

Arthur brought his arms around Merlin’s waist and smiled in amusement. “Should I ask why you would know?”

“Several flowers can be medicinal, clotpole.” Merlin whacked the boy’s arm. “Plus after a lot of free time through the years it felt like a good thing to know in case of an emergency.”

“Oh yeah?” The blond asked. His brows were risen with the growth of his amusement as did his smirk, and his shoulders were threatening to shake with laughter. “Like what? Planning a wedding?”

“You know what? I think I liked you better when you were sweet and didn’t make fun of me.”

“You know it never would have missed this too much.” Arthur snorted, giving the sorcerer another kiss.

“I did.” Merlin whispered against his lips.

“Then I’ve got a thousand years of sarcasm to make up for.” He whispered back.

Merlin kept these moments close to his heart. He didn’t want to ever lose them. There were a great many things that could take them in this world. But that’s what made them that much better.

It had taken a thousand years for Merlin to admit they were all flawed, to see that about Arthur too. It’s what made them human. It helped him to come to grips with the fact there was nothing he could have done in the past to keep Arthur alive, but now he was okay with it. Otherwise he wouldn’t be with him right now, living a happier and less stressful life with their friends.

Their attention was caught when there was a sudden sound of Morgan giggling.

And it wasn’t the ‘I just saw something hilarious from Tumblr’ kind of giggle. It was the ‘I’m going to make this noise because I’m flirting and you’re funny’ kind.

So Merlin was expecting to see Morgan talking to some guy. He just didn’t expect the guy to turn out to be Mordred.

“Is that…?”

“Indeed it is.” Merlin replied in a murmur, feeling his head nodding.

“Should we be worried?” Arthur asked hesitantly.

From where they were standing it was easy to see they were just flirting. Morgan was holding an orchid that he must have given her, and the smiles they both wore didn’t show signs of bad intentions. Mordred deserved a second chance like the rest of them.

“No.” Merlin answered. “I think they’ll be fine.”

Arthur didn’t seem like he was ready to fully believe that. His eyes stayed trained on Mordred, watching over every movement he made right down to the ticks. Merlin gently patted his boyfriend’s chest and looked around, his own eyes catching something of interest.

“I’ll be right back.”

When Arthur gave him a nod of acknowledgement he pulled away and headed towards a tented booth that had a sign out saying _Remedies and Potions._ Inside there were dozens of bottles filled with different concoctions that Merlin recognized but couldn’t place. All he knew as he inspected one for headaches was that he missed Gauis and the old man’s potions.

He set the vile down with a small smile. The warlock was about to leave when he heard rustling from under one of the tables.

“I’m sorry, young man, did you need something?”

“Oh, sorry, I was just—“

Merlin stopped, in awe and astonishment. It was like a habit whenever he came across someone from the past, part of him processing the reality of them being around when he would always dream about it.

The elderly man’s own pale blue eyes held a look of hope as he took in Merlin. A smile slowly grew on his face, brightening it as he stepped forward.

“It’s about time I found you, Merlin.”

“I was thinking the same thing, Gauis.” The younger sorcerer said with a breathy laugh, grinning from ear to ear.

“Merlin, where in the hell did you run off to?”

The brunet looked over his shoulder in the direction of the voice, seeing Arthur walking around in search of him with Morgan and Mordred trailing behind him. Merlin looked back to Gauis, who didn’t seem at all bothered. There was a sense of knowing in his expression and the older man gave a nod.

“Go on to you happy ending, Merlin.” He said. “I’ll be here when you come back.”

“I missed you, you know.” The young boy blurted.

“I missed you as well.” Gauis replied. “Now go on.”

Merlin felt torn but relieved at the understanding. He ran off to join Arthur, to bask in the finality and happiness he got to have. It felt like everyone was there now. Gauis was an unexpected addition to his present life but he was ready to welcome it with open arms.

Just like Arthur was with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to say thank you again for reading. I am glad I could make this a happy ending!
> 
> Also, the flowers mentioned in this chapter have been chosen for their meanings aside from the roses:  
> Daffodils--Rebirth and Forgiveness  
> Orchid--Rare Beauty and Love


End file.
